(no subject)
i hate valentines day. i had to write after the fact because its so cliche to bitch about it on valentines day. i think ive realized that maybe im not supposed to forget her, maybe shes supposed to be there. who knows. im so over everything. i hate sounding like that but i just need to get out of the dorms, they drive me insane. i cant wait to move into my apartment next year. the feeling that i hate more than anything is that i have nothing to go home to. i mean i have a lot to go home to...work, friends, family, LONGISLAND. but i feel like at times that i dont even want to go home. im not happy at home at times, and im not happy here at times. i hate that i have to compete at times for a friendship, thats not the way that its supposed to be and i dont know if it means that im insecure or if that the other person is. i can never convince myself which is right. im starting to figure out what i want to do with my life and im ready to go after it. HARD. college has gotten me into such bad habits. cigarettes. i hate them but at the same time, i like them. i know they are gross but for some reason i want one occasionally. except for when im drunk and then i want them every five seconds. but thats completely besides the point. i dont know, im just writing because im overtired. i give up