i dunno whats wrong with me.
is it normal for me to feel this depressed after my bday?
I just feel so dead inside.. it's not that I didn't have a good bday cus it was awesome.
i feel like crying.. but I don't wanna start cus if I do, i know i won't stop.. whata shitty feeling to have.
I'm just so unhappy.. I miss my mom and I miss my friends.. I really miss anna.. she's the one person i can always always.. ALWAYS count on. I've been wanting a friend like her my whole entire life.. and look what i go and do. i move away because of FUCKING DRUGS. and fucked up people that think it's alright to do them.. but its my fucking fault.. no one pushed me into it. i liked it.. it was cool at first.. until i started ditching my real friends.. not going to work cus i had 4 guns pointed at my head. dropping outta college... spending alll of my money on it..
i had to get away from it didn't i? yeah i did..and now that it outta my life.. I'm clean.. I'm soo fucking depressed..
there is nothing up here.. everyone said, yeah you'll make friends.. it'll take some time..
maybe I'm just impatient.. yeah.. i've mad some friends.. a few and they awesome.. but they just don't get me.. at all..and i can see it..
one of the biggest mistakes i ever did was bring people from jville down to tampa to think they'd have a good time. FUCK THAT.. never again.
lastnight was cool. relaxing and just chill.
brysen and ashley came and got me a gift, megan and her friend amanda come for a little bit. miranda, ashley l, and mirandas sister came, along with ashley l bf and mirandas too. and jonathan came too.
we made smores and my dad cooked some hamburgers and hot dogs.
we played some ring of fire... and everyone went home..
mirands and ashley L's bf's only came for the beer and they were DICKS..
anyway..I start a new job 2morrow..kinda nervous..
I talked to chris lastnight on the phone.. it was soo GOOD to hear his voice.. I miss him soo much and I love love loveeee him.
he's moving back to FL in the fall! I'm totally excited too. cus we've already mad plans to hang out and to catch up..
he always kept me in line and sane.. I love him..
well I'm gonna go eat and go back to sleep.. i don't feeel like doing antrhing today...