i have feelings too, dammit!

[____badnews]

alright, it's time for me to do more than skim the surface and maybe show you a different shade of me. i'm not going to try to be pothetic or whiney, so i apologize if it comes across that way. that is not my intention.

some mixture of emotions have been brewing inside of me and as much as i've ignored them lately, they've grown too big to neglect anymore. i just need to face the facts. i need to be honest with myself. i will be able to make someone else happy only when i am happy with myself. it is so fucking easy to come to that realization. i've done it a thousand times. now, lauren, you have to do something about it. whatever it is, just fucking do it. if it's losing weight, cutting my hair, buying new clothes, doing something new, it needs to get done. whatever's clever.

i need to stop reducing myself to what i see and realize that i'm more than what i've settled for in the past. maybe that's my problem. it's so hard to accept the fact that maybe i've grown up and have different standards now than i did even a few months ago. i'm better than i've been in the past. i need something to show for it. a companion isn't too much to ask for, is it?

god, this is sounding desperate. this has been an emo moment brought to you by lauren miller.