complaincomplain
i'm in study hall.
i got into school like 1/2 an hour ago.
i didn't sleep at all last night,
so i decided not to wake up.
i have no motivation to get out of bed.
last night, i was just miserable.
and i called caitlin,
and we just sat on the phone and cried for so long.
srsly. it sucks.
and i just got into our new house.
and my room isn't set up and my computer isn't set up.
and everything's empty and not.. home.
i've never had such an overwhelming feeling in my life.
i don't feel home anywhere at all.
i hate that i moved.
because it isn't my home. it's just a house
with a room for me to put my shit in.
and austin's gone.
and part of me doesn't care, and part of me does.
just because i don't understand him at all.
and i tried so hard to. and i tried so hard to be there for him.
but i guess it wasn't good enough.
and christian and i aren't together.
and i know that that's mostly my decision,
but it's just the fact that it didn't work out the way that i had in my head.
i really thought that it was going to work.
and it's almost like i'm just disappointed in myself for not making it last.
because i can never make anything last.
it's bad when you're alone and you're lonely.
but it's even worse when you have someone and you're still lonely.
i would really like a relationship with mutual feelings and mutual meaning.
i would really like a good reason to get out of bed in the morning.
anyone?
i got into school like 1/2 an hour ago.
i didn't sleep at all last night,
so i decided not to wake up.
i have no motivation to get out of bed.
last night, i was just miserable.
and i called caitlin,
and we just sat on the phone and cried for so long.
srsly. it sucks.
and i just got into our new house.
and my room isn't set up and my computer isn't set up.
and everything's empty and not.. home.
i've never had such an overwhelming feeling in my life.
i don't feel home anywhere at all.
i hate that i moved.
because it isn't my home. it's just a house
with a room for me to put my shit in.
and austin's gone.
and part of me doesn't care, and part of me does.
just because i don't understand him at all.
and i tried so hard to. and i tried so hard to be there for him.
but i guess it wasn't good enough.
and christian and i aren't together.
and i know that that's mostly my decision,
but it's just the fact that it didn't work out the way that i had in my head.
i really thought that it was going to work.
and it's almost like i'm just disappointed in myself for not making it last.
because i can never make anything last.
it's bad when you're alone and you're lonely.
but it's even worse when you have someone and you're still lonely.
i would really like a relationship with mutual feelings and mutual meaning.
i would really like a good reason to get out of bed in the morning.
anyone?