Goodbye, 2005.
Well, 2005 was certainly a year to remember, to say the least. Looking back, I've come to the conclusion that it was ultimately the worst year I've had to endure in my entire existence. Listless and bruised, I sit here hoping that 2006 will be better. I have no doubts that it will be. I mean, last year I failed at everything: schooling, happiness, family ties, friends, and most affectively, love.
The year started off with a depressing kick, as I sat in alone, watching mom's Bill Cosby tape and eating ice cream from the tub. Lying around every day, depressed, didn't help much, either. The highlight of the early winter can't be much more than the Atreyu show in February and the cruise in early March. In the course of this period, I stopped associating with my godmother, wasted a man's emotions, and became an entirely different person from what I've always been. The stain of that personality taunts me this very moment.
After a month of bouncing around between a hotel in Virginia and my Dad's house, I finally settled in here. Unhappy, bitter, antisocial, and needy I was- I don't think I will ever, ever feel that bad again. Waking up each day, only to wish that I hadn't... Hoping that I'd miraculously die in my sleep, or perhaps have some freak accident... It preoccupied my mind every day, particularly in the hot seasons. I've never been that suicidal before, not even back in the GC-safety pin days of eighth grade, which were genuinely depressed.
Then, a light came into my life. And I was happy. So happy that I was lifted from my sickness, I felt cured. I will never forget that day. Dad was forcing me to leave so he could bring a girlfriend home. Stacey had to spend a long, tiresome hour convincing me to go to the mall with her to hang out for a few hours. And he came. Miraculously, Allen came to LaGrange, to see me. It was uplifting; I felt on top of the world. My life span around for the next two and a half months. After that, things started going downhill, and we lost interest in each other. Since I was in school again, I began to have interest in a few other people, which, naturally, occurred on his end as well. And I'm fine with that, now, at least. As devastating as I figured the break up would be, I never dreamed that I would actually feel relieved to be single again. I've stayed single since then. I've had a few quiet flings, which remain unmentionable. Ultimately, though, I failed at love- the one thing I've been searching for for the past few years. And thus far, I feel I may never find it.
I lost friends in the course of the year as well- mainly over Allen, but I suppose if they decided to ditch me under such petty circumstances, they really weren't friends in the first place. The gain that I made, once I came to Troup, though- it definitely makes up for the loss. That's not including all of the people I met through Allen, whom do not associate with him anymore.
In the course of such failings, I've learned many things. Don't be concerned with other people's opinions of you. As fun as it is to be lazy and stay out of school, it really isn't worth the bullshit or emotional devastation. I learned that true friends won't judge you, period. And, as much as I do not want to admit it, I learned that not even my family is lovable.
Before 2006 is over, I want to:
1. Find true love
2. Find friends that know how to have fun
3. Make a major accomplishment in my life
4. Join the Mensa Society
5. Be content in my own skin
6. Have self-discipline again
7. Find inner peace
8. Balance my sexual identity
I've ended 2005 with a bang. Certainly things can only go up from here.
The year started off with a depressing kick, as I sat in alone, watching mom's Bill Cosby tape and eating ice cream from the tub. Lying around every day, depressed, didn't help much, either. The highlight of the early winter can't be much more than the Atreyu show in February and the cruise in early March. In the course of this period, I stopped associating with my godmother, wasted a man's emotions, and became an entirely different person from what I've always been. The stain of that personality taunts me this very moment.
After a month of bouncing around between a hotel in Virginia and my Dad's house, I finally settled in here. Unhappy, bitter, antisocial, and needy I was- I don't think I will ever, ever feel that bad again. Waking up each day, only to wish that I hadn't... Hoping that I'd miraculously die in my sleep, or perhaps have some freak accident... It preoccupied my mind every day, particularly in the hot seasons. I've never been that suicidal before, not even back in the GC-safety pin days of eighth grade, which were genuinely depressed.
Then, a light came into my life. And I was happy. So happy that I was lifted from my sickness, I felt cured. I will never forget that day. Dad was forcing me to leave so he could bring a girlfriend home. Stacey had to spend a long, tiresome hour convincing me to go to the mall with her to hang out for a few hours. And he came. Miraculously, Allen came to LaGrange, to see me. It was uplifting; I felt on top of the world. My life span around for the next two and a half months. After that, things started going downhill, and we lost interest in each other. Since I was in school again, I began to have interest in a few other people, which, naturally, occurred on his end as well. And I'm fine with that, now, at least. As devastating as I figured the break up would be, I never dreamed that I would actually feel relieved to be single again. I've stayed single since then. I've had a few quiet flings, which remain unmentionable. Ultimately, though, I failed at love- the one thing I've been searching for for the past few years. And thus far, I feel I may never find it.
I lost friends in the course of the year as well- mainly over Allen, but I suppose if they decided to ditch me under such petty circumstances, they really weren't friends in the first place. The gain that I made, once I came to Troup, though- it definitely makes up for the loss. That's not including all of the people I met through Allen, whom do not associate with him anymore.
In the course of such failings, I've learned many things. Don't be concerned with other people's opinions of you. As fun as it is to be lazy and stay out of school, it really isn't worth the bullshit or emotional devastation. I learned that true friends won't judge you, period. And, as much as I do not want to admit it, I learned that not even my family is lovable.
Before 2006 is over, I want to:
1. Find true love
2. Find friends that know how to have fun
3. Make a major accomplishment in my life
4. Join the Mensa Society
5. Be content in my own skin
6. Have self-discipline again
7. Find inner peace
8. Balance my sexual identity
I've ended 2005 with a bang. Certainly things can only go up from here.