(no subject)
that's about the condition of my room as of late.
attention!!!!! I NEED EVERYBODY'S ADDRESS SO THAT I CAN SEND THEM CHRISTMAS CARDS, AND I MEAN EVERYONE. I'M GONIG TO SCREEN THE COMMENTS, SO DON'T WORRY. I NEED THEM ASAP. THANKS!
there's something about gwen stephani (sp?) that I really like-especially that she only has asian dancers. that's only partially sarcastic. there's also something that I've always liked about jay z. he's always been so cool and calm in his raps; he hardly moves. anyway. I think each and every time I get my butt on this chair to type down everything I've been thinking about and going through through the past however long it's been (each time seeming to have more and more space between the last update), I forget immidiately; I think also that I type that, each time, I always forget. but it's okay. because I decided that this thing is really therapudic, and none of you really read any more because sadly, I haven't been reading and commenting yours. I'm sorry. I've been very self-centered lately and yelling and being mad and pissed off. it's so weird for me to be mad-like, really actually mad-because that so rarely happens to me. and when it does happen, it's quite easy to just brush it off and put it behind me. but I think I've figured out that I've never let it go. months and months ago I had a prophesy spoken to me from this guy at my old church, and honestly, when I heard it, I thought it was a huge load of poo because it involved a rose and God walking through a field, and you know what? I think God can get a little more creative. but you know what? with everything that I've been going through and everything that God has been doing in me, I remembered that prophesy and put the tape in my tape player and listened to it again for the first time in months and months. I was crying and laughing hysterically, knowing that God really works in His own time, and that He will regardless if it makes sense or not. so when I listened to that tape about a month ago, it encouraged me, so now, I have to remember that promise from God and know that everything's going to be alright. and I'm so thankful that he had that spoken to me, because if it wasn't, I would be completely lost right now. completely. my mind is being attacked by so many different things and I feel so utterly helpless for myself that I can't even start to explain the darkness that surrounds me a lot of my day. it's so terrible, and I'm on my floor, face flat, not being able to do anything besides Hope in God. oh man, and psalms, ladies and gentlemen, will teach about the Lord. Psalms will teach you so much about God; if you ever need to understand how much He truly loves and how compassionate He truly is, read psalms. also read about Jesus, duh. and you know what? all this pain and all this crying and all these pity parties that I've been throwing and hissy fits and temper tantrums and running away and coming home and running away and coming home and dying and being alive-it's all showed me how much God really is my father and I really am His daughter. because even though most of the nights that I cry out so completely hard that I have stress dots on my face I feel alone, I woke up the next morning realizing that I felt closer to God than I had previously, just knowing and acknowledging that He was truly there the whole time, because He's close to the broken hearted. and you know what? if He is, then He's really all up in my grill. the times are nice when He gives me a clear head to think, becuase then I can really get a lot of good things down on paper to encourage me later. hahhahahaha. God thinks He's funny, but I don't really laugh at a lot of His jokes. also, if any of you haven't read Hind's Feet on High Places, it'll change your life.
oh happy day!