run away
i never felt this way about anyone. i miss miles so much. he left back to monterey yesterday. Im down here in encinitas and he goes back to new york. Ive been with him every hour since the end of june. we have slept in all the same places side by side. ive woken up next to him everyday. I've grown accustomed to his scent and the way he sleeps and how i use to not be able to sleep because of his snoring but i learned to fall asleep to it. I have done so much for him because i have never liked somebody so much. i have never fallen for every aspect of their personality like him. Why does life bring him to me if he lives so far?? i woke up this morning and reached over for him and he wasnt there. i dont know what its like to not be with him. I miss him singing to me. I miss him having to hold me constantly while we slept and if he woke up and his arm wasnt around me he'd make it so it was. I miss his jealous trips every time a guy looked at me. I miss his laugh and how my laugh has become more like his. i miss touching his hair and doing his laundry and helping him choose outfits. I miss confiding in him. Saying goodbye at the bus station was so hard. It hasnt really hit me that hes gone and that i wont see him tomorrow or next month or the next month. Its starting to though. Like right this second. He just called me and i started crying. I never thought id be this weak in this kind of situation. i thought i was stronger. its only been a day and im a mess. i dont feel like going out. it makes me miss him more because everytime ive gone out before was with him. i felt safer with him, less vulnerable. Im a mess. and heartbroken. i need him back