(no subject)
i'm sorry, i don't have enough outlets, here goes....
i've been in a funk lately when i'm alone. i feel inadequate. i feel like i have to compensate for something that i lack to bring to the table in friendships and the company that i keep. i wasn't a great guitar player so i tried to be cool and thoughtful to the dudes in seasick. stuff like paying for motels on tour, getting people random gifts, paying for food. now i don't see any of them anymore and while i have alot of other shit to spend my time on, i'm slightly more than bitter.
when i try to comprehend the actions and thoughts of some people, my mind becomes cloudy. i'm thinking of specific people, but being extremely vague.
i'm working, making money, having my own experiences. i really need my friends and i don't like it when people turn their back on me. i feel like i'm a pretty nice guy, so is it that some people are just shitty?
today we played frisbee. it was alot of fun but i'm really out of shape. i treated on rita's, they accept check cards now.
austin is going to be interesting. it's going to be a sobering experience to be away from everything i know.
i'm going to read and play guitar. i remember when i was able to spend time alone. i guess after this violently decadent weekend i'll have to get used to my own thoughts again. there's little comfort in always having myself to talk to.
if you read this, please think better of me than i do of myself
<3?
i've been in a funk lately when i'm alone. i feel inadequate. i feel like i have to compensate for something that i lack to bring to the table in friendships and the company that i keep. i wasn't a great guitar player so i tried to be cool and thoughtful to the dudes in seasick. stuff like paying for motels on tour, getting people random gifts, paying for food. now i don't see any of them anymore and while i have alot of other shit to spend my time on, i'm slightly more than bitter.
when i try to comprehend the actions and thoughts of some people, my mind becomes cloudy. i'm thinking of specific people, but being extremely vague.
i'm working, making money, having my own experiences. i really need my friends and i don't like it when people turn their back on me. i feel like i'm a pretty nice guy, so is it that some people are just shitty?
today we played frisbee. it was alot of fun but i'm really out of shape. i treated on rita's, they accept check cards now.
austin is going to be interesting. it's going to be a sobering experience to be away from everything i know.
i'm going to read and play guitar. i remember when i was able to spend time alone. i guess after this violently decadent weekend i'll have to get used to my own thoughts again. there's little comfort in always having myself to talk to.
if you read this, please think better of me than i do of myself
<3?