Goodbye
Wow so I'm actually capable of having feelings. As you all know Hannah died almost 2 months ago now. I haven't been to upset about it. Well not on the outside anyway. I always felt bad for the lack of tears I cried over her. I was so confused. I just don't think it had hit me. I was used to her dissapearing for a weeks at a time while she was in hospital, Hannah not being here just seemed so normal.
Tomorrow I leave this house. Tonight it hit me. Hannah is never coming back.I'm leaving my childhood house. The only thing that has been stable in my life is now no longer there. I was wondering what was going to make me crack. Believe it or not it was a pile of rubbish. I was putting the bins out and I found these newspapers clippings. Back in the 90's a guy called Jeff Hook drew comics in the Herald Sun. (kinda like todays mark knight) and I always used to love looking for the hook that was the trademark of his work. Anyway Hannah always cut them out and keep them for me so I could go through them all when I came over to visit. As I was putting out the rubbish I came across them. She had actually kept them all these years. My whole body started shaking and then the tears started. I collapsed on my front lawn and started bawling my eyes out. Not just little sobs but full on wails. I probally looked like the biggest fucking idiot ever but I dont care. Finally almost 2 months later I have let go of my emotions. Ive cried over Hannah.
I fucking miss her SO much.
I dont want to leave. But I have to. I have to move on.
I feel dead inside. The most important person in my life is gone and im leaving my home. The home that I spent the first and last 4 years of my life.
I'm supposed to be packing tonight. Its not going to happen. I just want to cry and cry and cry. I want my face to be drenched in tears. I feel like I owe it to her.
Goodbye. I love you.
Tomorrow I leave this house. Tonight it hit me. Hannah is never coming back.I'm leaving my childhood house. The only thing that has been stable in my life is now no longer there. I was wondering what was going to make me crack. Believe it or not it was a pile of rubbish. I was putting the bins out and I found these newspapers clippings. Back in the 90's a guy called Jeff Hook drew comics in the Herald Sun. (kinda like todays mark knight) and I always used to love looking for the hook that was the trademark of his work. Anyway Hannah always cut them out and keep them for me so I could go through them all when I came over to visit. As I was putting out the rubbish I came across them. She had actually kept them all these years. My whole body started shaking and then the tears started. I collapsed on my front lawn and started bawling my eyes out. Not just little sobs but full on wails. I probally looked like the biggest fucking idiot ever but I dont care. Finally almost 2 months later I have let go of my emotions. Ive cried over Hannah.
I fucking miss her SO much.
I dont want to leave. But I have to. I have to move on.
I feel dead inside. The most important person in my life is gone and im leaving my home. The home that I spent the first and last 4 years of my life.
I'm supposed to be packing tonight. Its not going to happen. I just want to cry and cry and cry. I want my face to be drenched in tears. I feel like I owe it to her.
Goodbye. I love you.