(no subject)
The days have been long and dreary. Never ending in the peaceful reverie in which they started. Toil has become evident in every day life for I, and the masks of thousands of people hanut me in my dream. I cannot sleep knowing that the love I once entranced, the love I once held so dear to me, has taken it's large, glorified eye on something more appeasing than I. The prospect of such a thing has left my mind in shambles, and shattered the self control I used to hide. My mask is gone, and the broken soul I never was and always will be has come out to play. It's a mild version of my self, like God's rough draft. It resembles little off me, other than the outside frame. My insides are all wrong. Different thoughts than I think now swirl though the oddity's head. What's she thinking? I wonder. It cannot possible be me. I'm not that vicious. I'm not that cruel. I'm not that.. sad. It's a terrible awakinging to something I cannot control. My mask is hidden, but every others is still visible to my naked eye. It frightens me away from the people I should be loving the most, so I hide inside my whole of insanity a tad bit longer until I can control what I'm thinking and act rationally. It's impossible, for it's hard to be true to a fake. It's hard to respond evenly to someone you thought you knew, that has changed so drastically, you've forgotten that they had the traits you KNEW they once possessed. It's a frightening and very realistic prospect that most certianly every has or will go through. The thunder around me suddenly vanishes and I'm in the heavenly aura of something ultra-real even I cannot comprehend a word to describe such a thing. All feelings have lest my tortured soul and raped my heart for anything left inside. Nothing. Everything I once so dearly cared about has disgraced me, save my loving birthrights and the friendly faces I see almost every day. This aura is protruding into my business and searching for the sadness that dwells. It is found, for it's so full of it's self, it's quite obvious to locate. The healing power of this aura is amazing, it surly is, and the fact that it's taken me to the point of where I am struck numb, is what has amazed me the most. The white glowing fingers sweap the hair from my forhead and force my chin to look up. I'm blinded by the light and think for a moment that I had commited suicide, or something of that nature. But when I look more closely, I realize I'm not in the hands of the Devil, of Lucifer, of Satan. I'm in the control and total take-over of my Lord. Jesus. He's taken me and cradled me in his arms when I've needed him the most and carried me through the troubles that had haunted me when I slept. When my eyes part from the world this time, and I wisk away into the darkness of sleep, I feel nothing but warmth knowing that when I die, I'll have something to look forward too. But while I'm awake, I do as well.