I found myself in you.

[_____megan]

Things have been weird. I feel extremely strange. Lonely, but only for reasons I forced on myself. I'd rather be by myself then with anyone else. Theres a battlefield in my mind about everything. Nothing comes easy these days. Decisions are almost impossible to make. I almost feel depressed. Trapped. And nothing terrible happend, thats the weird part. I underestimate myself and the things I want to do. I go back and fourth between like four things. I feel unworthy of any friendship, relationship, whatever. I push people away, which thesedays, seems like all I'm good at. I almost like it better this way. Because I'm a selfish person. Rather Cliche, but I'd like to let go of everything here, pack a bag, and peace out. I truely believe that something of that sort would be the only cure. The only cure for me knowing what I genuinely want and need. Let me just be honest with you, I dont know what I want. And when I think i know what I want, other people dont want it for me. My Grandma says that if you let something that you love go and it comes back. . . Its meant to be. What an easier motto to live by then what everyone else tells me. And nonetheless what I'm telling myself. I feel like I should have all these things figured out by nineteen. Then again I feel so young still. Who really knows what they want by my age? Or It could just be me. I can't wait to leave here. Or know what I want. Which ever comes first.

Do you ever feel like you have so much to say but you cant because you dont know what you feel? Or is it I know how I feel but I cant find the words to say it?

so fair warning.
I'm a disaster:]