(no subject)
i find it quite hard to believe that about two months ago i was beyond happy, the happiest of the happy. and now im at an all time low. everything that was so amazing in my life has disappeared. no boyfriend, barely a couple friends, unfocused, unfit, just in general- a total chaotic mess. i dont want anyone sympathy or for anyone to try to empathize with how i feel. this is just a post, post to just say a few words and vent. i feel absolutely miserable, i don't cry much though, rarely ever anymore- but while ive been smiling and putting on some act that im okay... im crying inside, going crazy, absolutely utterly crazy. there are times when i dont know whether to feel bitter or cynical or mad or upset or nostalgic or hurt or betrayed or be in disbelief. everythings just been a blur. i havent complained or whined to anyone really, even though itd probably be more healthy if i did. im lonely, i feel like no one wants to be with me lately. what i want is to be needed. i dont make sense right now but i dont know how to at this point. dont think for one minute id want to take my life- because that is not the premise of this post by any means. the premise is merely an attempt to try to convey how depressed ive been feeling lately. it may sound corny to say that life is like a rollercoaster, there are ups and there are downs. my life's rollercoaster has never plumitted this low before, and all i can do is try to be optimistic and hope that the rollercoaster's tracks take me up again.