im numb. i can't feel the pain. it's just sort of happening.

[_____leaveanote]

i cant take it anymore. we are a sad excuse for a family. we don't know eachother. we don't like eachother. they want to move. they say they do sooo much for me, but if they do so much for me why do they put me in tears so many times a week, sometimes once a day. do they know why i always want to be away from the house? i can't stand the fighting, the yelling. then when they fight she makes me take her side, but i never know who's side to really be on because she'll talk so much shit about him, then i say something barely negative and i'm a terrible person for sayiing somethin glike that about him. "he tries" "he doesn't know how to show he loves you" i'll tell you what he did. he fucked me up and over. i thought i had an inability to love. he's given me commitment issues. i started to work through those issues...then boom. yu cant hang out with him. why? is it your business. i'm 18 now. you make me do everyting on my own. you made me go to the doctor alone, when i was scared. you say i can do what i want and let me go out to clubs till 4 in the morning whewre i could get raped or killed. but you don't let me hang out with someone in a totally safe situation.

you don't listen to me. not a word i say. you say you can't hear me. but you don't want to hear me.

i'm a bad person. i'm worse then any of you think. i'm losing it. i'm losing it all. i'm growing distant and you can't see it. well close your eyes like everyone else.

dont watch me fall.