(no subject)

[_____electriccc]

i am so incredibly confused with my life.
& incredibly pissed off because not much is going right.
but i pretend i'm not pissed at all.
& i pretend that everything is okay.
& then i have fucking explosions like this morning where there is a lot of swearing & throwing things involved.
i guess i really just can't handle this whole idea of a future.
i don't want to go to college. & i don't want to leave all of this behind.
as much as i hate this place & the people, i am going to miss everything so much.
& that pisses me off, too.
jesus christ.
will somebody please just give me some stability SOMEWHERE in my life?
i have no idea what is going on in any aspect.
he's too old for me.
& too beautiful.
& too good for me.
& too much like me.
i don't know what is going on.
where do i go?
i guess i really jsut can't handle this whole idea of a future.
i feel very confined right now.
i want to go do something crazy.
i love my boys.
maybe they know what is going on.
because no one else does.
not me.
what am i talking about?
i guess i really just can't handle this whole idea of a future.