(no subject)
I only feel at home when I'm with Alex.
I go home and I don't even feel like i'm really home. Alex's, I guess, is my second home. I spend the night almost every weekend. And it feels great. I think the only time I really get any good sleep is when I'm with him. Or maybe my body just feels good because we mesh into this weird comfy pile of flesh. I hate having to come home.
And he's moving next month. Like 20 minutes away, but still. I'll probably end up staying over there more often, actually. But it still sucks. School, i'll maybe have a job, he'll maybe have a job, and he'll live farther away. It's just gonna suck not seeing him everyday. I can live with it, I mean I love and care about him enough that I'm not gonna let it get in the way, but i'll still be upset and wish I was with him every moment. I wish we had a place. Me, Alex, n Tor should really look into getting one.
I have so many things to do, too. And idk if him moving away/me not being able to see him everyday will make it easier to do homework or i'll be a sobbing blob who doesn't wanna do anything.
I have to paint him something for his birthday. So I should probably get started on that pretty soon. Feb 9th.
I have to finish my stupid still life, which is due Thursday. I just have to add a background, but fuck. It looks like shit and I hate doing it. Drawing 2 is the only class I think i'm gonna have a problem with. I have the foundation department head guy as my teacher, too; so it's gonna be harder. Plus it's a figure drawing class and I already had 2 of em and its just real boring.
I need to do my sketchbook of 5 volumetric objects due tomorrow I think and I haven't started it. So I have to do that during lunch. And I should probably do my fine art sketches during lunch. And come home, finish my book cover, start the background, see Alex? Then Wednesday I have all day to do my background. Maybe i'll try to perfect my still life then, too. Maybe I could start my painting.
Idk. I wish things weren't so stressfull. I wish I had a shit ton of weed, but I have one bowl left. And that's for tomorrow. I'm broke as fuck, and so is Alex n Tor so I have no idea when we're gonna get weed next.
I just wanna sleep through the rest of the month.
I wish I wasn't so sensitive and stupid.
I wish I could just tell him the things I want to say. But I get embarrassed and feel clingy and stupid and weird. Maybe i'll write him a note. Or text him later tomorrow during lunch. I dunno.
May won't come soon enough.
And then it'll still be another 3+ more years.
Probably another 4 actually since I may minor in something. Maybe not? Maybe since I have all my core classes down I'll just have nice studio classes or something. AH WTF JUST GO TO BED, MIND PLEASE SHUT DOWN!
I go home and I don't even feel like i'm really home. Alex's, I guess, is my second home. I spend the night almost every weekend. And it feels great. I think the only time I really get any good sleep is when I'm with him. Or maybe my body just feels good because we mesh into this weird comfy pile of flesh. I hate having to come home.
And he's moving next month. Like 20 minutes away, but still. I'll probably end up staying over there more often, actually. But it still sucks. School, i'll maybe have a job, he'll maybe have a job, and he'll live farther away. It's just gonna suck not seeing him everyday. I can live with it, I mean I love and care about him enough that I'm not gonna let it get in the way, but i'll still be upset and wish I was with him every moment. I wish we had a place. Me, Alex, n Tor should really look into getting one.
I have so many things to do, too. And idk if him moving away/me not being able to see him everyday will make it easier to do homework or i'll be a sobbing blob who doesn't wanna do anything.
I have to paint him something for his birthday. So I should probably get started on that pretty soon. Feb 9th.
I have to finish my stupid still life, which is due Thursday. I just have to add a background, but fuck. It looks like shit and I hate doing it. Drawing 2 is the only class I think i'm gonna have a problem with. I have the foundation department head guy as my teacher, too; so it's gonna be harder. Plus it's a figure drawing class and I already had 2 of em and its just real boring.
I need to do my sketchbook of 5 volumetric objects due tomorrow I think and I haven't started it. So I have to do that during lunch. And I should probably do my fine art sketches during lunch. And come home, finish my book cover, start the background, see Alex? Then Wednesday I have all day to do my background. Maybe i'll try to perfect my still life then, too. Maybe I could start my painting.
Idk. I wish things weren't so stressfull. I wish I had a shit ton of weed, but I have one bowl left. And that's for tomorrow. I'm broke as fuck, and so is Alex n Tor so I have no idea when we're gonna get weed next.
I just wanna sleep through the rest of the month.
I wish I wasn't so sensitive and stupid.
I wish I could just tell him the things I want to say. But I get embarrassed and feel clingy and stupid and weird. Maybe i'll write him a note. Or text him later tomorrow during lunch. I dunno.
May won't come soon enough.
And then it'll still be another 3+ more years.
Probably another 4 actually since I may minor in something. Maybe not? Maybe since I have all my core classes down I'll just have nice studio classes or something. AH WTF JUST GO TO BED, MIND PLEASE SHUT DOWN!