the world comes crashing down
what is wrong with me
i meet the most AMAZING boy on the planet. mr. perfect. the boy i've been dreaming of my ENTIRE LIFE.
and i'm not in love with him.
and then, like an idiot, i tell him i dont love him.
and now i feel like throwing up.
how is this possible?? how can i NOT love him? HOW?! he's everything i ever wish, hoped and prayed for, and now that he comes along... he falls in love with me and i have to be STUPID and break his heart by telling him that i dont feel the same way about him.
and i want to. god, i want to be in love with him. i would do anything to be in love with him. i even tried to trick myself into it, by pretending i did. telling myself i did. i figured i would
grow to love him. but i cant anymore. its not fair to steve.
dont get me wrong, i like him. i wouldnt have dated him if i didnt like him. i like being with him. i like dating him. he makes me smile and happy and... i'm just not in love with him. i think it takes time to love someone; more than a weeks or two months. is that so wrong? to want to take my time?
i dont not want to be with him. but i dont think he wants to be with me anymore. i dont know if we could be together after this, it would make things awkward.
i know it upset him. after i told him, his face.... i seriously wanted to die. i never should have told him. after everything he has done for me, this is so unfair.
i dont even know how i realized it. i just started thinking about that article i read in that magazine "how you know if youre in love". and i questioned myself: how heartbroken would i be if we broke up? what about PDA? and telling him everything? could i be with him forever? am i happy because he is happy? i know im miserable because hes unhappy right now...
i dont doubt that he loves me. and part of me regrets that he does. i really wish he didnt.
stephen, i am so so sorry. i dont know how to tell you im sorry. you never deserved this. you are an amazing AMAZING guy dont ever doubt that. anyone would kill to be with you and who ever you end up with is the luckiest person alive. i feel so privileged to have been able to kiss you and hold you and have you love me; i will be forever grateful to you. id do anything to take this back, but i dont regret anything. i still want to be with you, but...i understand.
i meet the most AMAZING boy on the planet. mr. perfect. the boy i've been dreaming of my ENTIRE LIFE.
and i'm not in love with him.
and then, like an idiot, i tell him i dont love him.
and now i feel like throwing up.
how is this possible?? how can i NOT love him? HOW?! he's everything i ever wish, hoped and prayed for, and now that he comes along... he falls in love with me and i have to be STUPID and break his heart by telling him that i dont feel the same way about him.
and i want to. god, i want to be in love with him. i would do anything to be in love with him. i even tried to trick myself into it, by pretending i did. telling myself i did. i figured i would
grow to love him. but i cant anymore. its not fair to steve.
dont get me wrong, i like him. i wouldnt have dated him if i didnt like him. i like being with him. i like dating him. he makes me smile and happy and... i'm just not in love with him. i think it takes time to love someone; more than a weeks or two months. is that so wrong? to want to take my time?
i dont not want to be with him. but i dont think he wants to be with me anymore. i dont know if we could be together after this, it would make things awkward.
i know it upset him. after i told him, his face.... i seriously wanted to die. i never should have told him. after everything he has done for me, this is so unfair.
i dont even know how i realized it. i just started thinking about that article i read in that magazine "how you know if youre in love". and i questioned myself: how heartbroken would i be if we broke up? what about PDA? and telling him everything? could i be with him forever? am i happy because he is happy? i know im miserable because hes unhappy right now...
i dont doubt that he loves me. and part of me regrets that he does. i really wish he didnt.
stephen, i am so so sorry. i dont know how to tell you im sorry. you never deserved this. you are an amazing AMAZING guy dont ever doubt that. anyone would kill to be with you and who ever you end up with is the luckiest person alive. i feel so privileged to have been able to kiss you and hold you and have you love me; i will be forever grateful to you. id do anything to take this back, but i dont regret anything. i still want to be with you, but...i understand.