(no subject)
It's the middle of October, and I still miss summer. Junior year is so hard.. harder than I ever imagined. Not to mention this summer was amazing, and I met a bunch of amazing people who made such a big difference in my life. Lately I've been going through so many emotions, it's insane. I go from being happy, to being sad with in a short time. I have so much on my mind, so many things..
I keep thinking about summer, and how amazing next summer will be, but then when I start to think of next summer, I think of Justin. He'll be moving upstate soon, and to be quite honest, I think about it way more than I should. There is seriously not a day that goes by that I don't think of him not being here. I met him in the beginning of the summer, and he's just one of those people that I NEVER want to let go of.
Another thing thats crossed my mind lately is Chris, and how I wish I got to tell him I love him. I miss him so much.. and it's been almost 4 years, but it feels like just the other day. I just can't let go of the fact that I begged my mom if we can visit him, THE DAY before he was killed.. The day he was killed was the worst day of my life. I still have a huge hole in my heart, and the fact that Justin's moving doesn't help. Something about him reminds me of Chris so much.. Maybe it's Justins voice, and the way he says certain things, or maybe its the fact that I love him to death, like I did for Chris.
Other things that come across my mind are myself, the weekend of PLW, and a few other things. I have such bad OCD with myself, that seriously, if even my hair doesn't look good to my standards, I will NOT leave my house in the morning. I'm getting worse and worse every day with it. People tell me "oh you're fine" or "don't be silly, you're so pretty!" and I smile, but I still won't believe it. Over the summer, I literally starved myself, and I was fine with that. I felt perfectly fine going 24 hours without anything.. to be quite honest? Thats another reason why I miss the summer, because I didn't have to eat, but now with school and everything, if I don't eat, I faint.. but whatever I'm better now.
Now, about PLW (peer leadership weekend), I went to Shelter Island with some of my best friends; RJ, Amanda, Ashley, Jay, Maggie, and Vinny. I met a lot of awesome people there, and it was just so beautiful. I never wanted to leave, hence me thinking about it and how much I miss it. I was a little down though at times, because that weekend was Bradleys one year since he's been gone. Anyway, I will never forget it.
Well I guess this concludes my entry on my feelings.
<3