Sep 05, 2008 03:30
I haven't written anything real lately. It all gets lost in trying to conjure up the most eloquent phrase structure, in poetry-making. who gives? time to deal with some colloquial prose.
I am scared shitless. this has been my walking, breathing, living fear for some time now. tonight a fear of mine has been confirmed : we are mortals- we die young. do you look in the mirror and wonder if you're a person who will die young? Do you ask yourself when you will die? I convince myself that i will die. at least once a day, i bring myself into perspective. and it scares the absolute shit out of me. most things do.
where did she go? what happened to her? what cd was she listening to? what did she say? when did she know it was then, it was happening?
I am tired of rolling around this little state, of making myself shutup. I want to tell you that i love you. that i want you to love me back. and it is not alright if you don't. I want to go somewhere that i can help. help children, families, people who are the most desperate. I want to walk away from my youth (if i may) and have had a purpose and continue with it. I don't want to drink myself away in a college town, or slack off until graduation. there is no other way to say it: I WANT IT ALL! just give me my B.M.E., some good memories and let me get the fuck out of this country for a little while.
I can't sleep. i have class in about 4 hours.
maybe i'll delete this, maybe i'll correct grammatical and punctuation mistakes. who knows.
thank goodness for my friends.