(no subject)
YAY for jobs! I probably have one, but I'm not going to be happy until I get a job that I ca n enjoy and pursue for awhile. Sephora is number one on my list.I can't wait to show everyone who has underestimated me what I am capable of. I have such big dreams, always have. I have high hopes and a lot of faith. I just cannot go under anymore. I cannot include myself with people less than me, I cannot do things that do not fit my morals and values.
It has been really hard for me to stay completely happy and energetic lately. But this is probably because of where I am at life right now. I am incredibly stressed, and have a lot to reflect on. I have to stay positive, but it's not always easy. Once I get a job and start making money, finishing the things I started, and getting things done I will feel better. In my life, there is always a gap in my happiness. I don't think that gap will go away until I reach every point in my life that I imagine myself doing. But right now I confuse that gap with other things. I have been questioning things too much, and need to realize it's silly. Being an emotional mess is a fucking tiring job. I can't wait until it's over.
I have been staying at mommas house, and I have been hating it more than ever. She has a boyfriend, and it has been sickening me lately. I don't know why this is, I guess a huge part of me misses my step dad to peices, no matte how much we didn't get along. This household has changed drastically. It is a fucking zoo, even more than it used to be. I feel that my mom pays more attention to her boyfriend than she does her children, SURPRISE OF THE CENTURY OMG. I have already said several times now that I will not fight for her over a guy anymore... I did that my whole life.
Anyways, part of this is probably me being bitter, but a lot of it is an issue that everyone ignores. There are other issues with my mom, but are too personal to write, in case anyone actually reads this shit.
All of this makes me feel closer to my baby sister. She keeps me sane here. When things get crazy I can just hold her and know it will be okay. I can't wait to grow up with her and show her life, especially the life out of this house. I want to teach her things. I want to be her best friend.
4 a.m.
I can't wait to get on a normal sleeping schedule.
big sigh. i'm mentally doing better tonight.
It has been really hard for me to stay completely happy and energetic lately. But this is probably because of where I am at life right now. I am incredibly stressed, and have a lot to reflect on. I have to stay positive, but it's not always easy. Once I get a job and start making money, finishing the things I started, and getting things done I will feel better. In my life, there is always a gap in my happiness. I don't think that gap will go away until I reach every point in my life that I imagine myself doing. But right now I confuse that gap with other things. I have been questioning things too much, and need to realize it's silly. Being an emotional mess is a fucking tiring job. I can't wait until it's over.
I have been staying at mommas house, and I have been hating it more than ever. She has a boyfriend, and it has been sickening me lately. I don't know why this is, I guess a huge part of me misses my step dad to peices, no matte how much we didn't get along. This household has changed drastically. It is a fucking zoo, even more than it used to be. I feel that my mom pays more attention to her boyfriend than she does her children, SURPRISE OF THE CENTURY OMG. I have already said several times now that I will not fight for her over a guy anymore... I did that my whole life.
Anyways, part of this is probably me being bitter, but a lot of it is an issue that everyone ignores. There are other issues with my mom, but are too personal to write, in case anyone actually reads this shit.
All of this makes me feel closer to my baby sister. She keeps me sane here. When things get crazy I can just hold her and know it will be okay. I can't wait to grow up with her and show her life, especially the life out of this house. I want to teach her things. I want to be her best friend.
4 a.m.
I can't wait to get on a normal sleeping schedule.
big sigh. i'm mentally doing better tonight.