(no subject)
k, so last night i was oober phsyced out. working myself up because Lisa wanted me to play for the sunday morning class at church. i didnt have any songs prepared, i can't sing(!) and i just wasnt feelin' it. so i talked to rick like five times last night, he sent me some music, and then all of a sudden it just all came together. i played three songs, in the secret, god of wonders, and we humble ourselves. it ended up being alright. and last night while i was practicing, my mom made me sing and play in the secret for her sense she didn't know it. yea, she ended up crying. which made me cry. which was an alright thing. i've been doing a lot more crying lately. i dont even know why. so i get to church and i'm totally nervous and worked up. i screwed up one song, but thats chill haha. i did alright. and patrick-of all people :) sang with me and kind of led it-i have a quite singing voice, part from just not being able to sing loud, and just not wanting to try :) haha. so today was an alright day. and in the actual church service i sat with this girl who i've kind of known forever. she was just having a really hard time today, just not feeling like she belonged and like she had friends here and that she was connected. i was like...umm yea! i know exaaactly what you're feeling like. so we sat on the opposite side of the church (never done that before!) and it was rather neat being away from the "nest" of family and friends. i really got into the worship, raised my hands, clapped a bit, and well, sang along haha. there was the girl, she's twenty something, and has been over in india on a missions trip for the past 6 months, well she just got back a couple months ago and i was watching her worship to the songs. wow, its so evident- her love for Jesus when she was worshipping. it wasn't about her, it wasn't about us, it was about God-and only God. That was pretty awesome. so, all in all it was a pretty sweet service. plus,! the sermon was right-on for me. it was about taking risks and not being afraid to be where you are in life because where you are, you are, and you can be used there. how can you be used somewhere you aren't?! but the risks thing--stepping out in faith with a servants heart, out of your comfort zone, that really hit home. i stepped out to do worship in first service and i stepped out trying to comfort a girl i'd known forever but never really gotten to know. in reality, we're all the same in a lot of ways. we all don't fit in, we all want friends, we all want not to be judged. but mostly, we all, i think, just want to be loved to the core.