(no subject)
Tomorrow is my orientation at Rowan and I can't quite bring myself to feel happy or excited. The truth is I'm terrified and unprepared. In light of all the recent drama (which has gotten vividly out of control) I no longer know how to feel about myself. This isn't where I ever wanted to be. And the best part about it all is that despite being told I'm the "center" of the drama, it continues and deepens even when I've taken myself out of it. Whatever.
I miss my real friends more than I ever have before. I don't want to be the girl who blows everyone off for the ones who don't deserve to count. I swear this summer heat is just stripping me bare, forcing me to make decisions about who I am and who I want to be. Last night, I sat on my deck with Molly and wanted to cry. I can't believe how much a person can lose themselves when they're only concerned about others. I hope our big hearts don't kill us. We're only trying to deal with our situations the best way we know how- mature or not. Ugh, ugh, ugh.
I miss my real friends more than I ever have before. I don't want to be the girl who blows everyone off for the ones who don't deserve to count. I swear this summer heat is just stripping me bare, forcing me to make decisions about who I am and who I want to be. Last night, I sat on my deck with Molly and wanted to cry. I can't believe how much a person can lose themselves when they're only concerned about others. I hope our big hearts don't kill us. We're only trying to deal with our situations the best way we know how- mature or not. Ugh, ugh, ugh.