I just don't understand
don't read this. honestly. it'll be a waste of your time.
I just don't understand why he says he wants to be with me, says if he asked me to marry him when he gets back, what would i say? says he loves me and then goes and "talks on the phone with someone more important than me", stops calling me. Why do I waste my time? Honestly? Can someone please tell me?
Oh, and I don't understand what he wants me to do or say. I'm not over him, I'm in love with him, I love him. He gets mad, and says I'm nosey when I just asked if he was high. I don't care, I was just wondering. Is that so bad? Well.. you're always high, so I guess there's no need to ask. I guess it's better than drinking, but still. I haven't thrown you out of my life, I'm just scared. I don't want to say another thing to push you away more than I have. I want you, I want you to want me, but it's just not happening.
And I don't know what I want with my life, or my future, or anything. I can't drive, I can't decide if I want to be with this person, or not. I hate myself, I don't want to be depressed, or bitchy. I want people to like me. I want my own best friend to know that I care, I want her to love me. That's all I ever ask. But I guess I'm a waste of everything. Why do I live if I'm a waste of a human being?
And why, why why why, do I complain on live journal?
Maybe because I feel like I'm taking up other people's time?
No one cares about my problems. No one SHOULD care.
I can't talk to anyone. No one wants to be friends with me anymore.
I've tried being a better, nicer person. Did that work? Obviously not.
Even my mom says I have no friends.
Awesome.
I'm sick of being depressed.
I'm sick of being lonely.
I'm sick of screwing up over and over again.
And I'm sick, so sick, of this school year. I just
want it to be over. Now.
I want a smoke.
I want to drink.
I want to be downtown.
I never have any worries.
I want to fuck Craig Owens, so hard.
Hahaha. I love chiodos.
End.
I just don't understand why he says he wants to be with me, says if he asked me to marry him when he gets back, what would i say? says he loves me and then goes and "talks on the phone with someone more important than me", stops calling me. Why do I waste my time? Honestly? Can someone please tell me?
Oh, and I don't understand what he wants me to do or say. I'm not over him, I'm in love with him, I love him. He gets mad, and says I'm nosey when I just asked if he was high. I don't care, I was just wondering. Is that so bad? Well.. you're always high, so I guess there's no need to ask. I guess it's better than drinking, but still. I haven't thrown you out of my life, I'm just scared. I don't want to say another thing to push you away more than I have. I want you, I want you to want me, but it's just not happening.
And I don't know what I want with my life, or my future, or anything. I can't drive, I can't decide if I want to be with this person, or not. I hate myself, I don't want to be depressed, or bitchy. I want people to like me. I want my own best friend to know that I care, I want her to love me. That's all I ever ask. But I guess I'm a waste of everything. Why do I live if I'm a waste of a human being?
And why, why why why, do I complain on live journal?
Maybe because I feel like I'm taking up other people's time?
No one cares about my problems. No one SHOULD care.
I can't talk to anyone. No one wants to be friends with me anymore.
I've tried being a better, nicer person. Did that work? Obviously not.
Even my mom says I have no friends.
Awesome.
I'm sick of being depressed.
I'm sick of being lonely.
I'm sick of screwing up over and over again.
And I'm sick, so sick, of this school year. I just
want it to be over. Now.
I want a smoke.
I want to drink.
I want to be downtown.
I never have any worries.
I want to fuck Craig Owens, so hard.
Hahaha. I love chiodos.
End.