15 + 19 = JAIL
yeah so, in a week i'm going to be 20 years old. wooptie fucking doo dah.
i think i'm supposed to be excited that it's my birthday and OMG in a week i can finally say i'm not a teenager anymore ... and i'm just one year closer to being able to go out and drink LEGALLY. but i just don't feel that excitement, that little tingle in my spine that causes me to jump for joy and get all excited. i guess you just get to a point where you don't want to keep growing older anymore, but i didn't think it was going to come this soon. i thought i would at least be 25 before this started to happen.
and maybe it's not that, maybe it's because i know that i'm just barely making it by on money ... and i still live at fucking home. it's not always like this, i make enough money to pay my bills and save money. but this month it just seems like everything that could go wrong , is going wrong. and shawn is working 2 jobs, just to save the money to help us move out in the spring. and he's helping me out as it is ... i don't want him to feel like he HAS to go out and spend spectacular amounts of money on me for my birthday, but i still want a gift from him ... (is that selfish ?)
money's not everything, and i don't want a lot, but i just want enough money that i don't have to be worried about it all the time. i'm not a selfish person and there are a lot more people that need money more than i do, but i just want to be comfortable.
i just realized how much i sound like i'm griping, but to be completely honest, no matter what's going on at work, no matter how much money i have or don't have, in the big scheme of things ... i'm very happy and i have nothing to complain about. shawn lives with me now, and my family gets along great with him here now. i am so grateful to have him in my life and around all the time now.
i wish i had someone that i could call whenever i was bored and wanted someone to hang out with, but i haven't had that for quite some time now. and i miss mandy more than anything because she's so close to me , hell we even work together, yet we still don't see each other as often as one might think, and frankly, i'm missing the SHIT out of her.
happy birthday ryan and drew, i love you guys
i think i'm supposed to be excited that it's my birthday and OMG in a week i can finally say i'm not a teenager anymore ... and i'm just one year closer to being able to go out and drink LEGALLY. but i just don't feel that excitement, that little tingle in my spine that causes me to jump for joy and get all excited. i guess you just get to a point where you don't want to keep growing older anymore, but i didn't think it was going to come this soon. i thought i would at least be 25 before this started to happen.
and maybe it's not that, maybe it's because i know that i'm just barely making it by on money ... and i still live at fucking home. it's not always like this, i make enough money to pay my bills and save money. but this month it just seems like everything that could go wrong , is going wrong. and shawn is working 2 jobs, just to save the money to help us move out in the spring. and he's helping me out as it is ... i don't want him to feel like he HAS to go out and spend spectacular amounts of money on me for my birthday, but i still want a gift from him ... (is that selfish ?)
money's not everything, and i don't want a lot, but i just want enough money that i don't have to be worried about it all the time. i'm not a selfish person and there are a lot more people that need money more than i do, but i just want to be comfortable.
i just realized how much i sound like i'm griping, but to be completely honest, no matter what's going on at work, no matter how much money i have or don't have, in the big scheme of things ... i'm very happy and i have nothing to complain about. shawn lives with me now, and my family gets along great with him here now. i am so grateful to have him in my life and around all the time now.
i wish i had someone that i could call whenever i was bored and wanted someone to hang out with, but i haven't had that for quite some time now. and i miss mandy more than anything because she's so close to me , hell we even work together, yet we still don't see each other as often as one might think, and frankly, i'm missing the SHIT out of her.
happy birthday ryan and drew, i love you guys