it matters to ME.

[_________ohdear]

ive been thinking a lot lately about the mistakes i could have made in life and what mistakes i did make that led me to where i am right now. i think danny has taken all this the right way. god, we all make so many mistakes as kids and take no heed to what they will do in the future. all we care about is the now and all the girls want the spontaneous boys. they want the original boys that think originality is doing something cute on a whim. any girl with a brain can see this has all been done before and if its not personalized its nothing. we are all so stuck in how we are right now, we live day by day and with the saying "live life to the fullest" tattooed on the smallest part of our brain. take no offense, i take back nothing ive done in the "now" because im generally pretty okay with life. but im not sure if thats because my life is really okay or because growing up thats what ive been forced to think - that no matter how shitty it is, its okay. i dont think a lot of you know what its like not to really feel anything, thats why i dont drink so much anymore. i mean you drink and literally mentally, physically, and sometimes emotionally feel nothing. i feel that way almost 100% of the time. i'm more detached then i let any of you know and now i am going to confess to you that no matter how close you think we are, we're so distant. there are like 3 acceptions to this - erin, yuval, and my brother. i mean i have best frends that i feel infinite love for and we are as close as close can get without penetrating my distance bubble. i would like to tell everyone to stay away but i want you all close and i guess this is all about me apologizing that you were all right.

i am nothing like you guys.

please dont expect me to make the same mistakes as you or agree with what you have done wrong because i wont anymore. some of you bring a lot of shit to the table and let me be the first to let you know ill be the one to push it off. i love you guys the same and i will not name any names, but for future reference when im actually mean to you, dont talk back to me about it because i probably have a good reason. im done always being nice and dealing with everyone shit that they throw at me. i love you guys so much, but i cant be so nice anymore. it kills me. sorry.