(no subject)
i kind of wonder what people would really do for me. you are always surrounded by people who say "youre my best friend. lets hang out. i'll call you tonight" what pity bullshit, people say that too make themselves feel better that they know they are acknowledging you and they gave you the happy reaction of knowing someones calling you. i have so many people do that too me. basically no one gets me besides tanner, lindsay and jarrod. so many other people are probably talking shit behind my back but paste a fake smile on when they see me and say "sorry i didnt call you last night, i fell asleep. i love you" get a life. who even likes me, i mean really likes me.
i feel people dont get how insecure i am about basically everything about myself. im so scared of going anywhere by myself and i envy people who are perfectly comfortable standing in the corner of a crowded room and just engulfed in their deep, cliche thoughts.
sometimes i feel lindsay doesnt know how much i care for her. though i say alot of shit, i dont mean 99% of that bullshit. shes my best friend ever and i wouldnt know what to do if we drifted apart. she really is my other half, and no one has ever mattered to me so much.
THERES BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN
(ps. i just got broken up with and i feel things are falling apart inside.)