(no subject)
watching the news tonight before bed, there was a big map of the world. everything, from here to japan and back. so where would i go, if i could leave? id just go and id go and id go until i found some place that felt like home, and maybe then id stay. or maybe id leave again, just for the sake of having somewhere to go back to.
dover is sucking the life out of me. bitterness and negativity are taking what little energy i have. watching it happen, i feel sorry. sorry that i can't stop it, wishing i was a stronger person so i could find some good in everyone here. instead i just feel weak. im scared everything ive been through so far before this, and the person all that made me is just dissapearing. maybe it all went away when it found out it could escape here, and i got left behind. the less i feel i can do about it, the more i feel like maybe i dont even care. thats not how i am at all. there we go again, back to the problem. even in my head im trapped.
i just need to get out,
and this world is feeling too small for me.
i need to be somewhere i havent read about in history books.
i need to go somewhere someone hasnt discovered yet.
we should be ten million miles from any sign of human life.
ps, i love you