i lost my game face somewhere along the way, this summers slipping by and these walls are caving in.
a quick rundown;
saturday
worked from 9-3.me and brandon drove to rye to check out the show there. only stayed for about ten minutes, to see what things were like. wasn't that greatthis is my favorite night of summer so far because it pretty much makes me smile whenever i think about it. brandon was angry, so his mom was like 'go out with steph have fun, BFF.' so we did. we drove down route one until we got to the beach. he played his new guitar and played songs that we both knew the words too, because that is one thing that makes me happy. when it got too mosquitoy out we ended up at wendys and marshalls and laughing on teh car ride home. watched tv until and cuddled him until he fell asleep. that's been happening a lot lately, and i like it.sunday
our fish died. i cried, but we decided we're going to replace him with a shark. not like the one in jaws though, the small kind. still tough though.it was finally nice out, so i laid out in the pool for a few hours.soccer game in fremont, which we won. against some older ladies, i must say i went home feeling a bit guilty, like i had just cleated my grandma in the face. i sang to brandon the entire ride home (!) because he forgot musicwe rented innerspace, but didn't get to watch it until tonight because he got tired. i thought it was a pretty good movie though. possibly would have been a little better if only he had been miniturized inside lydia (meg ryan's) body, and then they had fallen in love again. but thats just my opinion, i like to turn everything into a love story.talked to mary on the phone for a long time.monday
filled out college applications, and worked on my english paper all morning. felt very motivated to get all that done with.talked to devon for a while about everything. i miss her so much, and i hate that i don't realize it until we start talking again. everything is just going by so fast.around 9:30 brandon called and asked if i wanted to drive over. so, pajamas already on, i headed over. i laid in bed with him and we watcehd innerspace until he fell asleep. fannnntastic, <3 ps;
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry
angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry.
this whole thing just makes me wonder how much has really changed. we act like we've been through so much and how now we really appreciate eachother. but maybe it was just time apart, and nothing more than that. no regrowth, no rebuilding, no new insight. do people need to grow out of the things they do, or do i need to grow out of feeling this way?
that dead fish just about resembles this summer.
everyone is just floating upside down, sick and tired of breathing
and i'm just sitting here waiting for the dead mans float to turn into a backflip.
every morning i wake up with new things scribbled across sheets of paper next to my bed. most of them are dreams i remember having, but sometimes i don't even remmeber writing what's written there. sometimes i wake up in the middle of the night and have a strange urge to write my autobiography. all of it, right then. luckily i just fall back asleep instead.
upon waking up in the middle of the night.