(no subject)
I think it's ridiculous how much constant appraisal i need.
How I sit in every night after work.
& how I'm still managing to do poorly in school although I have all this time.
I hate bitching about how I'm not 21.
I hate my relationship and I don't think anyone is fooling anyone here.
I hate feeling like I'm only here for comfort of having someone.
On both parts.
I'm sick of coming off like a cold bitch.
But I don't know how else to protect myself.
I don't want to be a pussy who lets their guard down.
But mostly I don't want to bitch about every aspect of everything all the time.
I feel like I'm always taking one step forward and two steps back.
I feel like I will never find a major I'm happy with.
I feel like I will never go further then a barmaid.
I believe I can do many things.
But I think I'm just telling myself that.
I want to go home.
Not just visit.
I want my apartment. I want my steady job.
I want my family.
I want my gf.
I want everything I made of myself,
Before I just threw it all away.
I want what I know because I'm too afraid of what I don't. I want to cry. But I feel to stubborn to let myself.