just a snapshot of what life is like in my family:

[__386]

my family:

"chelsea's a pirate!!" - logan
"you guys, can you get them out of here? i'm trying to read my book." - chelsea
"Why, cause you're a pirate!?!?" - lauren
"you guys, come out here. come help dad work on his battleship." - duane
"Mom's on heroin, aren't you mom." - gerald
"Whaaat, gerald? speak up, i can't hear from my left ear" - martha
"December 21st, Kansas city. Family meets at hotel for early Christmas gathering." - Rustin
"Rustin, get that thing away from me. RUSTIN, I'M SERIOUS." - chelsea
"I said that YOU'RE ON HEROIN, AREN'T YOU MOM." - gerald
"ohhhh, my doctor said that .. my doctor said i should -- chelsea, what're you doing?"
"i'm gonna go get something to eat." - chelsea
"WHAT??? You can't eat now, we're leaving at 5" - martha
"seven." - duane
"WHAT IS HE SAYING, GERALD? I CAN'T HEAR FROM MY LEFT EAR." - martha
"SAYS WE'RE LEAVING AT SEVEN." - gerald
"...i'm gonna go play pacman." - raynee
"Did you take those pills i left on your bed, duane?" - janis
"i thought those were for me!" - ronda
*long silence*
"cigarette, anyone?" - janis

two hours later

"Did Rustin give you one of these poem packets he made?" - gerald
"No, he didn't. I'm trying to read my book, dad, hold on." - chelsea
*throws poem packet at me*
"Okay, read this later and tell me what it says, will ya?" - gerald

i swear to god this is a true story.
if you know me, you know i'm not lying.