Jun 27, 2004 12:58
i hate my life.. really.. & i hate my dad.. everything has been turning out awful for me latly.. i feel like i'm loosig my best friends.. everything w/ daniel.. and my dad.. i can't take it.. it is too much for a 15 year old to handle.. sometimes i think it would be all better if i wasn't here because i feel like i make peoples life miserable.. i cause to many problems anyway... i don't know where i belong anymore.. everything is falling apart. everything was ok when i was with daniel and ever since then i have been like depressed.. not because of what he has done but because daniel is the only guy that i am close to and he is making up for when my dad wasn't there and when daniel isn't w/ me i don't have a guy in my life because ofcourse my dad isn't.. and i miss daniel so much but he has found someone else in his life.. and idk what to do.. no1 can replace daniel.. he is one of a kind.. my best friends don't think they are good enough for me anymore because a comment i made.. and now i'm paying for it.. i seriously don't know what to do.. i'm going to beach camp this week w/ the church and i am just not in the mood to go.. i have other stuff to be dealing with and i don't need people to be telling me how to live my life and how to obey god.. i'm not in the mood for that .. because god can't help this one out.. believe me.. i've prayed for god to help me and things have just gotten worse so i'm giving up on that idea.. the on;y thing i need right now is daniel everything would be ok if i had him.. my world is falling aprt and again i'm not saying everything is his fault its just daniel makes me feel good inside ... & when i'm w/ him nothing else matters and i forget about my problems.. thats what happens when you love someone.. but it also hurts because he loves some1 else.. and thats another thing wrong.. it hurts like hell to know that some1 you were w/ 2 & 1/2 years loves some1 else and doesn't want to be w/ you anymore.. its killing me really.. if you could die from a broken heart than i'd be dead.. i am sorry to everyone i have offended or anything i didn't mean to ..right now i am going thru things you can't even imagine andi'll prolly snap at you but just know i'm sorry and i'm gonna try to get better...things just aren't what they used to be...i've gone to bed crying everynight for like past 5 months.. things are going thru my mind u can't even imagine... i just want everything to be like they once were where everything was ok.. i am usually this happy person who is jumping around and talking to everyone but now i'm like depressed and i never want to go anywhere.. idk if this is just a phase or what but i don't like being like this.. and people who don't know me.. please don't think i am some kinda freak because i am far from that.. i am never like this and this is probably the only entry you will read w/ this much about my life ... i don't really like to let everyone know how bad i have it .. anyway... i'll just go now ....