(no subject)
It was a very rough day, but, ultimately a good one.
I've been called a writer, and it's true. I'm always writing in my head, and I lose a lot of good thoughts and stories when there's no paper nearby. Everywhere you look, there's a story to be told. In every space I see a snapshot of life, someone's own individual moment of brokenness and beauty. I love it.
Schadenfreude. Is reveling in the downfall of an advesary so bad? As humans we love to watch others suffer with us. "Misery loves company." And watching J. suffer the way he is gives me a little - a lot - of guilty pleasure. Why? It makes me feel better about myself. I'm not the only one failing physics..
It's human to want to be better than others, too. Losing what I wanted knocked me back harder than I've been knocked in a while. I think I realized that today. Initially, I had been in a state of wonder at how little it had affected me, and now I realize I was just kidding myself. Because it did, and it sucks. Knocked me back, and I'm still reeling. Brushed away my carefully built sand castle.
I think that I'm addicted. To highs and lows. It sucks to live in the extremes sometimes, because lows are so much easier to obtain. But at the edge, I know I'm alive. I know I'm human, with all the imperfections that brings. I know I'm heard. I know I'm loved.
I've been called a writer, and it's true. I'm always writing in my head, and I lose a lot of good thoughts and stories when there's no paper nearby. Everywhere you look, there's a story to be told. In every space I see a snapshot of life, someone's own individual moment of brokenness and beauty. I love it.
Schadenfreude. Is reveling in the downfall of an advesary so bad? As humans we love to watch others suffer with us. "Misery loves company." And watching J. suffer the way he is gives me a little - a lot - of guilty pleasure. Why? It makes me feel better about myself. I'm not the only one failing physics..
It's human to want to be better than others, too. Losing what I wanted knocked me back harder than I've been knocked in a while. I think I realized that today. Initially, I had been in a state of wonder at how little it had affected me, and now I realize I was just kidding myself. Because it did, and it sucks. Knocked me back, and I'm still reeling. Brushed away my carefully built sand castle.
I think that I'm addicted. To highs and lows. It sucks to live in the extremes sometimes, because lows are so much easier to obtain. But at the edge, I know I'm alive. I know I'm human, with all the imperfections that brings. I know I'm heard. I know I'm loved.