hurricane:

Nov 14, 2008 01:58

my emotional life right now....is a storm of epic proportions. work is retarted like always........but i survive. i cope. i deal. and I always get though. i found out a person i call 'friend' has stolen from me....ipod cord. jewelry. $300....O_o......i can't even talk to her any more....but i just found out.....so idk how it will play out.....we will see i supose....another is preggo...with her not husband's child...he doesn't even know yet...how effed is that? seriously?? i mean cooome on.....i feel so bad for him. i wish he'd stand up to her.....it upsets me so....that she doesn't care for someone who.....loves...her....so.................i would be upset so wouldn't i?....oi. another friend is dating a child that is just........idk....i worry about her....he's a creep.....i just don't know him enough to think he's ok...i mean half the things i hear i am glad to hear...that he really cares about her....the other half the things i hear....i just ignore and pretend they don't exist......i swear to God if this child hurts her I will hunt him down and murder his ass...another friend just hurts herself emotionally....by holding herself back and then opening up to the wrong people....and then hates herself because of it......i wish she would realize she is amazing and worth more than all these asshole guys make her feel....then i have another friend who is flat out under spiritual atack.....it terrifies me....i worry of her so. they pick on her because she believes in nothing. she has no hope. she does not comprehend eternity. she does not understand the concept of love. her heart is so closed......i pray that her heart softens. i mean i know know know i can not force my beliefs on any one....nor do i want to....but i pray she would find faith on her own.....that is truely the only way. in the mean time....i will continue to love her and be her friend and be there for her when she needs someone to lean on.....cause that is truely what being a christian is about in my opinion....just loving people....reguardless of thier backgrounds, beliefs, thougths, lifestyles, appearance, location, or anything. anyway.....that rant over.....in other news.....those old things that have returned....they return with a vengance....that look i've gotten a few times...the one that just destroys me.....the last time i got it when a partiular line was sang....and those hazy blue eyes connected with mine....in such a way that my heart.....it stops beating.....and then he wraps it back up with ice packs, pops it in a cooler, and ships it back to that same unheated storage unit under ground with all the rest of the crap he doesn't want but keeps around for some unknown godforsaken reason.....for the first time in over a year and a half.....this look has plagued me once again.....my heart stopped and i numbly turned my back and walked away.....and with every step...i felt my heart being put back in that cooler to ship off.........someday....maybe he won't need that cooler...........but like i said.....someday never comes......but tomorrow will.......he called my friend. and booked a couple of shows just days after this. why would he do that. after like 2 years without talking to her....randomly calls her up and books shows....knowing she is my friend. knowing she will tell me the moment he hangs up. fully knowing i will attend these shows....so frustrating!!.....boys. boo!!....especially this one. sweart to god if he's gay....i will feel so much better about life...it would explain so much..........but whateves. anyway it's like 2am. i gotta get up in like 5 hours.....blah. so that's all for now. goonight.
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