Reality is a Biatch
Dont you just hate it when you get stuck in a thought train that feels very much like reality? Where is the idealism, the romanticism, the abstract, the denial?! The latter are holiday destinations from reality with 5 star beach front resorts.
So thank god on friday I did not go home to find my partner drunk. He had a great day, and I was happy.
The weekend was an anti-climax. I felt very much on the outside looking in. There was a lot of people walking down memory lane, memories which I was not been involved in. I learned from this weekend that I need to get some people who I can go out and do random things with that are fun and talk about stuff that is interesting for us all ie friends. Have been functioning too long with out them. Have become a robot in a relationship. The only program that I am running at the moment is the intimate relationship chip and anything else just does not compute. It's not healthy.
I feel hot at the moment, at the peak of my hottness with a new funky hair cut, best hair cut ever. I look a lot like a blue eyed amelie... But what am i doing with this new found arrogance? Nothing. I should be out there using my face to forge my way to success, wealth, power. Working in call centre doesnt cut it as everyone is wondering, what the fcuk am i doing there! For Sh*ts sake. True, am going back to uni next year, this is cool, I am looking forward to this, but maybe I want more immediate results than that. Will I compromise on intelligence and integrity in this pursuit?
I dreamt that I broke my relationship last night, it was terrible. Despite his tendency to self destruct with alcohol on friday and saturday nights I still like him. We have a lot in common. I still find him attractive. We have fun doing stuff together and he looks after me. I think he loves me. I love him. This is good.
I have thought about ending it, as I am experiencing tumultuous times. I feel like cutting loose and running wild. I would be like an helium balloon, I would fly up into the next layer of the atmosphere and then burst, my flaccid and broken remains crashing to earth, never to be repaired. Silliness. At least I have the abstract back...
So thank god on friday I did not go home to find my partner drunk. He had a great day, and I was happy.
The weekend was an anti-climax. I felt very much on the outside looking in. There was a lot of people walking down memory lane, memories which I was not been involved in. I learned from this weekend that I need to get some people who I can go out and do random things with that are fun and talk about stuff that is interesting for us all ie friends. Have been functioning too long with out them. Have become a robot in a relationship. The only program that I am running at the moment is the intimate relationship chip and anything else just does not compute. It's not healthy.
I feel hot at the moment, at the peak of my hottness with a new funky hair cut, best hair cut ever. I look a lot like a blue eyed amelie... But what am i doing with this new found arrogance? Nothing. I should be out there using my face to forge my way to success, wealth, power. Working in call centre doesnt cut it as everyone is wondering, what the fcuk am i doing there! For Sh*ts sake. True, am going back to uni next year, this is cool, I am looking forward to this, but maybe I want more immediate results than that. Will I compromise on intelligence and integrity in this pursuit?
I dreamt that I broke my relationship last night, it was terrible. Despite his tendency to self destruct with alcohol on friday and saturday nights I still like him. We have a lot in common. I still find him attractive. We have fun doing stuff together and he looks after me. I think he loves me. I love him. This is good.
I have thought about ending it, as I am experiencing tumultuous times. I feel like cutting loose and running wild. I would be like an helium balloon, I would fly up into the next layer of the atmosphere and then burst, my flaccid and broken remains crashing to earth, never to be repaired. Silliness. At least I have the abstract back...