sadness...
Wow it has been quite a while since i have written in this... but whenever i have something that makes me mad i return here yet again. I really dont understand it... what it is about me that makes me so unlikable. I mean... i meet this guy, he seems so cool, so interested, we go out, i fall, and then i land flat on my face instead of in his arms. I really thought this one was different. I mean, he fit all the criteria, i apparently didnt fit his. see the whole reason why he would not see me was because i am too "conservative" for him... in other words... i wouldnt sleep with him by like the 5th date and i dont do drugs or drink that often. But i feel so used. i feel like he led me on for the past 2 weeks so he could have a study partner for his finals (seeing as i know how to play piano and i take good notes). But he made me think he actually liked me. Someone actually liked me... told me i was pretty, wanted to hang out with me, and at one point, respected my beliefs about sex. I now see that it is not like that at all. it makes me so sad. i seriously just wanted to tell him to "fuck off bitch", but couldnt because i was hurting so much inside. Am I really that unlikable because of my beliefs? am i that hard to want to wait for? All of these questions just pop out in my mind. i know i dont do drugs. it does not appeal to me. i know i dont get shit faced... that also doesnt appeal to me because of someone and the stuff she used to pull while pretending to be drunk. Im not wild, so thats my downfall? Ugh... im so mad, yet so sad at the same time.