major paradigm shift
so i was denied entrance into the congress-bundestag youth exchange program yesterday, a big part of my high school life has been geared towards this event. now im stuck with somewhat of a plan as to what i should do. a lot of things are going to be different now, my train of thought is different, my actions towards certain things are different, everything is different. this is worse than ending a serious relationship. wow.
so when i got the news several things popped into my head, first i get to spend the summer here, second i have to keep my job, third i get to see erica more and then it hit me hard, the biggest goal, the greatest dream i have ever had will never come true. a big part of me was lost yesterday, but a big part of me is going to grow from this and become better than ever before. thats been the hard part, so much change in so little time.
i chose to dwell on the positive side of this, now i can get a serious job, take classes at fgcu, get on with my future, see the people i know so well more, start a serious workout program, and basically put off the wait of being stuck in another country for a year. there is so much that has been given to me with this letter of denial that i have no time to think about what has been taken from me, for i can live most of the experiences i would have there in another way, shape or form.
PROM: right now that word means one thing; stress. this event has been more stressful than it should be, and for what purpose? a great party? i can party whenever i want. to get really drunk? i have a bottle of vodka in my room i can drink whenever i feel like it. to get laid? i dont have a date, and most of the girls i konw hate me know that isnt happening unless i turn gay. so what is the point of me going to prom???? i wish i knew but im soo incredibly excited about it. so much has happened these last few days. since last wensday i have been turned down by 5 people for prom after they first said they would go with me. thats a complete humiliation. i can understand kathleen, she did have a right to be pissed at me. and i can almost understand aja, wait no i cant. lizzie is too young and her parents are crazy so i can understand that too. and stephanie, well it might have worked there if i had said something earlier. but madeleine? no i cant understand that denial. the preson i thought to be my best friend in the whole world hasnt been there when i needed a friend the most. she wasnt there when i needed someone to talk to, because i was being an asshole that week. i didnt have a friend to go to when i really juts wanted to tlak to someone, no i got to listent to her and charles hitting on each other. yay. i needed a friend like no other time in my life, so much badness has happened where were you???? why????? why the hell is all this bad stuff happeneing to me??? thankgod i have most of it worked out: no date to prom, no going to germany, no good grades, no more skipping school. but the rest??? good lord i need a break from reality for a little while. i may miss the next few days of school rethinking my life so if any "friends" are reading this i wont be around for a while.
Peace the fuck out
-Ulli Renovatu Sa'Uragano
so when i got the news several things popped into my head, first i get to spend the summer here, second i have to keep my job, third i get to see erica more and then it hit me hard, the biggest goal, the greatest dream i have ever had will never come true. a big part of me was lost yesterday, but a big part of me is going to grow from this and become better than ever before. thats been the hard part, so much change in so little time.
i chose to dwell on the positive side of this, now i can get a serious job, take classes at fgcu, get on with my future, see the people i know so well more, start a serious workout program, and basically put off the wait of being stuck in another country for a year. there is so much that has been given to me with this letter of denial that i have no time to think about what has been taken from me, for i can live most of the experiences i would have there in another way, shape or form.
PROM: right now that word means one thing; stress. this event has been more stressful than it should be, and for what purpose? a great party? i can party whenever i want. to get really drunk? i have a bottle of vodka in my room i can drink whenever i feel like it. to get laid? i dont have a date, and most of the girls i konw hate me know that isnt happening unless i turn gay. so what is the point of me going to prom???? i wish i knew but im soo incredibly excited about it. so much has happened these last few days. since last wensday i have been turned down by 5 people for prom after they first said they would go with me. thats a complete humiliation. i can understand kathleen, she did have a right to be pissed at me. and i can almost understand aja, wait no i cant. lizzie is too young and her parents are crazy so i can understand that too. and stephanie, well it might have worked there if i had said something earlier. but madeleine? no i cant understand that denial. the preson i thought to be my best friend in the whole world hasnt been there when i needed a friend the most. she wasnt there when i needed someone to talk to, because i was being an asshole that week. i didnt have a friend to go to when i really juts wanted to tlak to someone, no i got to listent to her and charles hitting on each other. yay. i needed a friend like no other time in my life, so much badness has happened where were you???? why????? why the hell is all this bad stuff happeneing to me??? thankgod i have most of it worked out: no date to prom, no going to germany, no good grades, no more skipping school. but the rest??? good lord i need a break from reality for a little while. i may miss the next few days of school rethinking my life so if any "friends" are reading this i wont be around for a while.
Peace the fuck out
-Ulli Renovatu Sa'Uragano