Fucking Peanutbutter
So, I went to pick up my sister so I could give her a ride to school. I get there and she's made lunch, so I step in for a bite to eat.
She'd made some chicken something or other and also served me some left over fried rice from the night before. Well, when she serves up the plate she says to me "I hope I warmed up the rice enough for you", to which I start to reply "I don't really like ...", but trail off because all of a sudden I hear V's voice in my head finishing the sentence "... my food hot". It sent a chill through me, and I paused for a second, but then shook it off.
A moment later we're talking about some peanut butter cookies she has, and how I don't really like chocolate and peanut butter but she does, and she starts telling me all her favorite concoctions and BAM I hear V's voice in my head again, telling me the same damn thing and I'm just stuck in that moment. My sisters voice sort of trails off and all I can think about are V's words and stories about him as a kid, and all the stupid things he used to eat and still does, and all of a sudden I interrupt my sister so I can tell her the things V likes, and she just stares at me like I've lost it, and at that moment I felt like I was going to.
With those little things my barriers were just turned into dust. I suddenly started feeling shit again. I wanted to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
I mean, my GOD! I've been doing so well; angry, but well. I've been on more dates in the past week then I have in the past 3 YEARS!! And I have had more sex in one week then I've had in Lord knows how long. I haven't had any guilt; I haven't compared anyone to him; I don't miss him; I don't pick up the phone and want to call him; and I don't want him back in my life...BUT, this really got to me; that I know so many things about him. It just pisses me off that I KNOW HIM!!
She'd made some chicken something or other and also served me some left over fried rice from the night before. Well, when she serves up the plate she says to me "I hope I warmed up the rice enough for you", to which I start to reply "I don't really like ...", but trail off because all of a sudden I hear V's voice in my head finishing the sentence "... my food hot". It sent a chill through me, and I paused for a second, but then shook it off.
A moment later we're talking about some peanut butter cookies she has, and how I don't really like chocolate and peanut butter but she does, and she starts telling me all her favorite concoctions and BAM I hear V's voice in my head again, telling me the same damn thing and I'm just stuck in that moment. My sisters voice sort of trails off and all I can think about are V's words and stories about him as a kid, and all the stupid things he used to eat and still does, and all of a sudden I interrupt my sister so I can tell her the things V likes, and she just stares at me like I've lost it, and at that moment I felt like I was going to.
With those little things my barriers were just turned into dust. I suddenly started feeling shit again. I wanted to scream SHUT THE FUCK UP!!
I mean, my GOD! I've been doing so well; angry, but well. I've been on more dates in the past week then I have in the past 3 YEARS!! And I have had more sex in one week then I've had in Lord knows how long. I haven't had any guilt; I haven't compared anyone to him; I don't miss him; I don't pick up the phone and want to call him; and I don't want him back in my life...BUT, this really got to me; that I know so many things about him. It just pisses me off that I KNOW HIM!!