[Fic] One
Title: A Million Happy Endings and One
Author: 93rdfragment
Pairing: KaiSoo
Rating: T
Summary: Love is unsparingly beautiful. Love is paradoxically arresting.
***
And they live happily ever after.
He stares at the writing, stares at "happily ever after". He crosses it out with his pen, crunches the paper in his hands, and throws it away. The floor is filled with crumpled papers and ripped out papers. Various writings fill each one but they all hold the same thing, "And they live happily ever after". It's not that he doesn't believe in that sentence, only that it doesn't exist for him and for the person he loves. He looks around the room, shelves filled with books and story drafts. He notes the messy floor but dismisses it, a usual sight to see here. He comes back to the stack of papers on his desk along with a number of pens. He stares at a new blank page, a pen within his right hand hovering inches above it.
What should he write? He doesn't want to write a typical happy ending. He's written a million of them already, the books on the shelves are a testament to that. This one shouldn't have it. This one should be different. This one should be real, he decides. And because it should be real, it will hurt. His hand trembles from the echoes of a pain that has long lived within his heart. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. He has already known deep down that it will come to this when he first decided that it was time he wrote about them, about Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin.
So he writes the truth. The ink traces over the paper, word after word coming to life. They reveal a struggle for life, a painstaking struggle. They talk of an agonizing news, imminent death in, at most, 2 years. They tell of despair and the overwhelming feeling of inability. They show a determination to see life to its end with a smile. They convey a love that continued to bloom amongst the tears that flooded it and the thorns that wounded it. They illustrate two boys who were too young to face the challenges of illness and death but were more than determined enough to face them together, heads held high. They speak of eventual death and loss. But these words also bring to life the happiness that shined in those 2 years, the serenity that permeated from them to others, and the love that endured and came out even more beautiful than ever.
He stops, pen hanging in the air, and looks at the many pages filled with their story. There's a sense of fulfillment that settles upon him. He smiles because this is them, this is their love put into words. It finally feels right after trying a million happy endings that are now scattered about his room. Their ending isn't happy in the way that the world wants it to be, the way that people would want it. Their happy ending is filled with contentment of what they have had and a promise of love that is forever, transcending the corporeal and time-bound matters. They have learned that happiness does not need to be in living longer but in having lived. What's more is that they found and chose the person that taught them how to live, how to be alive, how to love, and how to be loved.
"Thank you for being born, for loving me. I can die happy with all that you've given me."
"Thank you for being born, for loving me. I can live on with all that you've given me."
He looks out his window to the starry night sky. To his weary eyes, it seems just like the sky that embraced them once upon a time as the stars are twinkling with mirth once more and the moon smiling down upon him. He sighs with a smile dancing upon his lips. Standing from his chair, he gingerly removes his glasses, placing them on his desk before making his way slowly to his bed beside the window. He doesn't bother to turn off the light knowing later on someone else will do it. A ragged cough escapes him which he pays no mind as he lays down and closes his eyes. His breathing evens out and soon peace finds him.
"Wake up Kyungsoo."
A hand is gently cupping his cheek, thumb rubbing circles upon it. He scrunches his face in slight annoyance. He wants to sleep more, hasn't had this much peace since he doesn't know when. But the hand is still there and there's a chuckle of amusement accompanying it now. He frowns but there's something about that voice that rings of familiarity.
"Who's the one who loves to sleep now."
He slowly opens his eyes because he knows this voice, knows it with all his heart and mind. Indeed, it's Jongin looking down on him with gentle eyes and an even gentler smile. It's a dream, he thinks, because Jongin looks healthy and because Jongin is no longer in this world. He cries but no tears escape and he still feels that inexplicable peace resting upon his being. "Jongin."
"Hey there. You seem like you want to cry or punch me. Either is not fine."
"This is a dream, right?"
"Well, no. If you would stand up with me beside the bed and look down on it, you'll understand. Maybe."
Even though he's confused, he rises from the bed. He feels a sense of detachment but continues to move away and finally stand next to Jongin. He looks at the other who nods then he looks upon his bed. He can't hide the gasp of surprise when he sees himself lying down. His brows knot in even more confusion. He sees his wrinkled skin and frail body, white hair on top of his head. There's a smile on his lips. He looks at Jongin again who's observing him.
"I'm sure you can guess what's happened."
"Astral projection?"
Jongin laughs and he's happy to hear it after so, so long. "Close, I guess? Think a little harder."
"I...died?"
"Yeah."
He stares at his old and weary body once more before suddenly swinging his fist to Jongin's gut. There's a yelp. "What the heck Kim Jongin? You don't just drop a bomb like that on someone."
"I am so glad we can't feel physical pain anymore or that would have really hurt." Jongin grimaces but straightens right away. "I didn't know how to. This is my first time explaining this to someone. I just really wanted to be the one to fetch you. I begged, you know."
"You haven't really changed." To punch again or to laugh, Kyungsoo didn't know what to do. But he's certain that he doesn't regret dying in such a manner and at such a time. He settles for a smile that conveys contentment.
"You haven't changed much either even though your body looks like a creepy old man."
"Do you want to die a second time?"
"No thanks." Jongin grins. "But really, you're still the same after all these years. And look, now, you're back to your young looking self."
Kyungsoo turns to the window and reflected very lightly across its surface is him, the him from around high school when he met Jongin. His reflection is faint but enough to tell this. He doesn't understand anything, only that he died and Jongin has come to get him. He knows nothing but the fact that even after death, he still loves the childish spirit with him and that same spirit seems to still love him as well. Another smile brightens his face.
"You've been watching over me, haven't you?"
"What? You saw me?" Jongin's surprised face makes him laugh.
"No. Just a feeling."
"You're good. But yeah. I have been watching. I'm happy you've lived life to the fullest. Kind of bummed out that you wrote our story at the last moment though. You really waited until your time to get to it."
"We're not exactly that easy to write. You especially."
A sad smile graces upon Jongin's lips as he looks at Kyungsoo. He knows what the other is trying to say. He understands the pain and sadness because he also felt them as he watched on, not able to touch and to be heard. But he can now. He reaches out and draws Kyungsoo to an embrace. "It's been a long wait but we're finally here. It seems our forever has just started."
Kyungsoo hugs back tightly, grinning to himself. "You're as cheesy as always."
"You're one to talk. Look at all the stories you've written and tell me you're not cheesier than I am."
Silence fills the room before a reply comes in a hushed voice. "Point taken."
Laughs fill the room but no one can hear it except the two of them. There are all sorts of memories surfacing and it pervades them with all sorts of feelings. But most of all, there is elation and love. They've both endured countless trials and their love stayed preserved in its beautiful blooming state. It never withered but continued its struggle to live because the ones responsible for it never gave up as well. Even as time took away youth and innocence, Kyungsoo remained steadfast in his love. Even as time gave him an adopted child, Kyungsoo never forgot to love the one person who completed him. Even as time eventually gave him grandchildren, Kyungsoo continued to be faithful to his love. And when finally time has rewarded him to be with Jongin, Kyungsoo still loves with all that he is.
"Want to experience flying?" Jongin moves away from the embrace and looks at Kyungsoo with a grin that speaks of childish glee. "It's fun."
A nod is the answer and they're passing through the window, Jongin taking him up into the sky. He looks down upon the city, an exquisite sight to behold. He lets the other take him to wherever they are headed to as he relishes in the feel of the cold wind upon him. They are now at a point where they live in the forever of their promises. It is the fulfillment of eternity, the always to the "I love you" that's been said time and again. There is no longer a need to say it out loud because it is in their touch, their embrace, and their existence. It is the endurance they've exhibited that has born fruit to what they have and what they are in that moment. Their love is now set beyond the limitations of materiality and earthly time.
The moon still shines brightly as they begin to disappear to the unknown. It shines upon the room that has been left, upon the body that is no longer breathing. It shines upon the papers that still lay upon the desk. It shines upon the words that have been written with deliberate care and filled with much emotion.
Love is enduringly amaranthine.
***
Author's Ending Notes: It's done. I can now relax from the nagging plot bunnies and the guilt of taking too long to finish this (my friend has been waiting patiently). This part vaguely reminds me of Jostein Gaarder's Through A Glass, Darkly. My brain might have been inspired by it. I'm not sure anymore, at this point. I've just been typing and typing. It's a good book, by the way. I read it back in high school (most of Gaarder's work actually). So here's the mysterious "and One" to the title. This is the original ending but I decided to make the readers have a choice. Anyway, I hope I didn't waste your time with this story of mine. Feel free to drop your questions, comments, or criticisms down below.
Author: 93rdfragment
Pairing: KaiSoo
Rating: T
Summary: Love is unsparingly beautiful. Love is paradoxically arresting.
***
And they live happily ever after.
He stares at the writing, stares at "happily ever after". He crosses it out with his pen, crunches the paper in his hands, and throws it away. The floor is filled with crumpled papers and ripped out papers. Various writings fill each one but they all hold the same thing, "And they live happily ever after". It's not that he doesn't believe in that sentence, only that it doesn't exist for him and for the person he loves. He looks around the room, shelves filled with books and story drafts. He notes the messy floor but dismisses it, a usual sight to see here. He comes back to the stack of papers on his desk along with a number of pens. He stares at a new blank page, a pen within his right hand hovering inches above it.
What should he write? He doesn't want to write a typical happy ending. He's written a million of them already, the books on the shelves are a testament to that. This one shouldn't have it. This one should be different. This one should be real, he decides. And because it should be real, it will hurt. His hand trembles from the echoes of a pain that has long lived within his heart. He takes a deep breath to calm himself. He has already known deep down that it will come to this when he first decided that it was time he wrote about them, about Do Kyungsoo and Kim Jongin.
So he writes the truth. The ink traces over the paper, word after word coming to life. They reveal a struggle for life, a painstaking struggle. They talk of an agonizing news, imminent death in, at most, 2 years. They tell of despair and the overwhelming feeling of inability. They show a determination to see life to its end with a smile. They convey a love that continued to bloom amongst the tears that flooded it and the thorns that wounded it. They illustrate two boys who were too young to face the challenges of illness and death but were more than determined enough to face them together, heads held high. They speak of eventual death and loss. But these words also bring to life the happiness that shined in those 2 years, the serenity that permeated from them to others, and the love that endured and came out even more beautiful than ever.
He stops, pen hanging in the air, and looks at the many pages filled with their story. There's a sense of fulfillment that settles upon him. He smiles because this is them, this is their love put into words. It finally feels right after trying a million happy endings that are now scattered about his room. Their ending isn't happy in the way that the world wants it to be, the way that people would want it. Their happy ending is filled with contentment of what they have had and a promise of love that is forever, transcending the corporeal and time-bound matters. They have learned that happiness does not need to be in living longer but in having lived. What's more is that they found and chose the person that taught them how to live, how to be alive, how to love, and how to be loved.
"Thank you for being born, for loving me. I can die happy with all that you've given me."
"Thank you for being born, for loving me. I can live on with all that you've given me."
He looks out his window to the starry night sky. To his weary eyes, it seems just like the sky that embraced them once upon a time as the stars are twinkling with mirth once more and the moon smiling down upon him. He sighs with a smile dancing upon his lips. Standing from his chair, he gingerly removes his glasses, placing them on his desk before making his way slowly to his bed beside the window. He doesn't bother to turn off the light knowing later on someone else will do it. A ragged cough escapes him which he pays no mind as he lays down and closes his eyes. His breathing evens out and soon peace finds him.
"Wake up Kyungsoo."
A hand is gently cupping his cheek, thumb rubbing circles upon it. He scrunches his face in slight annoyance. He wants to sleep more, hasn't had this much peace since he doesn't know when. But the hand is still there and there's a chuckle of amusement accompanying it now. He frowns but there's something about that voice that rings of familiarity.
"Who's the one who loves to sleep now."
He slowly opens his eyes because he knows this voice, knows it with all his heart and mind. Indeed, it's Jongin looking down on him with gentle eyes and an even gentler smile. It's a dream, he thinks, because Jongin looks healthy and because Jongin is no longer in this world. He cries but no tears escape and he still feels that inexplicable peace resting upon his being. "Jongin."
"Hey there. You seem like you want to cry or punch me. Either is not fine."
"This is a dream, right?"
"Well, no. If you would stand up with me beside the bed and look down on it, you'll understand. Maybe."
Even though he's confused, he rises from the bed. He feels a sense of detachment but continues to move away and finally stand next to Jongin. He looks at the other who nods then he looks upon his bed. He can't hide the gasp of surprise when he sees himself lying down. His brows knot in even more confusion. He sees his wrinkled skin and frail body, white hair on top of his head. There's a smile on his lips. He looks at Jongin again who's observing him.
"I'm sure you can guess what's happened."
"Astral projection?"
Jongin laughs and he's happy to hear it after so, so long. "Close, I guess? Think a little harder."
"I...died?"
"Yeah."
He stares at his old and weary body once more before suddenly swinging his fist to Jongin's gut. There's a yelp. "What the heck Kim Jongin? You don't just drop a bomb like that on someone."
"I am so glad we can't feel physical pain anymore or that would have really hurt." Jongin grimaces but straightens right away. "I didn't know how to. This is my first time explaining this to someone. I just really wanted to be the one to fetch you. I begged, you know."
"You haven't really changed." To punch again or to laugh, Kyungsoo didn't know what to do. But he's certain that he doesn't regret dying in such a manner and at such a time. He settles for a smile that conveys contentment.
"You haven't changed much either even though your body looks like a creepy old man."
"Do you want to die a second time?"
"No thanks." Jongin grins. "But really, you're still the same after all these years. And look, now, you're back to your young looking self."
Kyungsoo turns to the window and reflected very lightly across its surface is him, the him from around high school when he met Jongin. His reflection is faint but enough to tell this. He doesn't understand anything, only that he died and Jongin has come to get him. He knows nothing but the fact that even after death, he still loves the childish spirit with him and that same spirit seems to still love him as well. Another smile brightens his face.
"You've been watching over me, haven't you?"
"What? You saw me?" Jongin's surprised face makes him laugh.
"No. Just a feeling."
"You're good. But yeah. I have been watching. I'm happy you've lived life to the fullest. Kind of bummed out that you wrote our story at the last moment though. You really waited until your time to get to it."
"We're not exactly that easy to write. You especially."
A sad smile graces upon Jongin's lips as he looks at Kyungsoo. He knows what the other is trying to say. He understands the pain and sadness because he also felt them as he watched on, not able to touch and to be heard. But he can now. He reaches out and draws Kyungsoo to an embrace. "It's been a long wait but we're finally here. It seems our forever has just started."
Kyungsoo hugs back tightly, grinning to himself. "You're as cheesy as always."
"You're one to talk. Look at all the stories you've written and tell me you're not cheesier than I am."
Silence fills the room before a reply comes in a hushed voice. "Point taken."
Laughs fill the room but no one can hear it except the two of them. There are all sorts of memories surfacing and it pervades them with all sorts of feelings. But most of all, there is elation and love. They've both endured countless trials and their love stayed preserved in its beautiful blooming state. It never withered but continued its struggle to live because the ones responsible for it never gave up as well. Even as time took away youth and innocence, Kyungsoo remained steadfast in his love. Even as time gave him an adopted child, Kyungsoo never forgot to love the one person who completed him. Even as time eventually gave him grandchildren, Kyungsoo continued to be faithful to his love. And when finally time has rewarded him to be with Jongin, Kyungsoo still loves with all that he is.
"Want to experience flying?" Jongin moves away from the embrace and looks at Kyungsoo with a grin that speaks of childish glee. "It's fun."
A nod is the answer and they're passing through the window, Jongin taking him up into the sky. He looks down upon the city, an exquisite sight to behold. He lets the other take him to wherever they are headed to as he relishes in the feel of the cold wind upon him. They are now at a point where they live in the forever of their promises. It is the fulfillment of eternity, the always to the "I love you" that's been said time and again. There is no longer a need to say it out loud because it is in their touch, their embrace, and their existence. It is the endurance they've exhibited that has born fruit to what they have and what they are in that moment. Their love is now set beyond the limitations of materiality and earthly time.
The moon still shines brightly as they begin to disappear to the unknown. It shines upon the room that has been left, upon the body that is no longer breathing. It shines upon the papers that still lay upon the desk. It shines upon the words that have been written with deliberate care and filled with much emotion.
Love is enduringly amaranthine.
***
Author's Ending Notes: It's done. I can now relax from the nagging plot bunnies and the guilt of taking too long to finish this (my friend has been waiting patiently). This part vaguely reminds me of Jostein Gaarder's Through A Glass, Darkly. My brain might have been inspired by it. I'm not sure anymore, at this point. I've just been typing and typing. It's a good book, by the way. I read it back in high school (most of Gaarder's work actually). So here's the mysterious "and One" to the title. This is the original ending but I decided to make the readers have a choice. Anyway, I hope I didn't waste your time with this story of mine. Feel free to drop your questions, comments, or criticisms down below.