Feb 23, 2006 11:50
I've never been comfortable socializing. In elementary school, it sucked, I was weird, whatever. In high school, I dunno, I could avoid people (and I was weird). In college I was just isolated for the most part. Things are different now, though, and I was just talking to my friend about this.
I like meeting new people, but I don't like being in a group of people. I don't like small talk (especially with people I'm not all that close to), and I hate forced conversations. But generally, I get along really well with people. It's weird.
Me at work is a good example. When I worked at Residential Life at school, I was a bit shy at first, but then I was friendly with everyone. I wasn't the most talkative, but I enjoyed the company of my co-workers. Even work now, I like and get along with the people I work with (being in the same room with them for hours at a time helps).
At the same time, I can't be bothered to care about some people. Like if a random stranger talks to me, I'll be polite, but I usually feel uncomfortable and won't be interested in what they have to say. Even when my parents take me to dinner with friends or relatives, it feels so forced. That just puts me off with whoever I'm supposed to be interacting with. At work it's different because even though we're sorta forced to be together, we aren't required to talk to each other. We can do our own thing, we can strike up a casual conversation, but it's really casual.
I don't want to come off looking rude or angry or bothered or embarassed, but a lot of the time I do just because it takes me a while to warm up to certain people. I don't really know what it is, maybe it's partly because I find a lot of people hard to relate to or maybe it's because I don't have a lot to say. Whatever it is, it just bugs me that things like this can happen.
work,
friends