life

[909ermark]

It is hard working in the hospital. There are so many things you want to do for these people that their bodies just wont accept. Death follows you sometimes. You lie awake and think "what else could I have done for this person that might have made them breathing now?". It's a hard road. In the PACU (Post anesthesia recovery unit) I heard the sound of oxygen tanks and light gasps for air. Reminded me of a time long ago when my mother was in the same situation. I wonder that if the people then had done the slightest thing different then, that she might not be here today. It troubles me. The ones we lose always have some family or friend that will miss them (atleast you hope so). Even those difficult and angry patients... you can't get mad at them. After all, they are in the hospital for a reason. If I was in the hospital (again) for weeks at a time I would be crabby too. So many die so young. Too young for their time. Some even commit suicide in the prime of their life because of whatever reason. Unable to be saved. I see them with the sheet over their head and the family crying over them. Will I have this same experience someday? Will I be in someone elses shoes? Of course it is inebitable. I just don't know when or where that time will be. I am not looking forward to it. I just have to remember that when I am on the floors and a patient or someone close to them gets cranky; Have some compassion and just imagine what they are thinking at that point in time.

I just hope someone in my position now; when I am in that position, will give me the same respect.

Mark David