(no subject)
I have a date tonight. I'm excited. I have had a few up here in San Fran already. It seems, if it is possible, that people up here are more flakes then there are in So Cal. If that can make sense. I' mnot sure. It's just i "know" so many people up here now but I never seem to see or hang out with them anymore. I don't know maybe I am paranoid I won't make new friends or something. Not sure. All I know is I need at least one person that I can feel stable with. Granted I just moved up here on August 22nd. I mean, it takes time to find a friend of a friend. But I need one right now. I miss having that closeness I had with some of the people back home. But I am where I am supposed to be. Look at me, I quit a high paying job, a family that supported me, and a group of friends that loved me to become this; poor, no job, and no friends. But yet, I persevier. I am making it. I am sticking to what I have to do. I think this city is good for me. I have yet to be "comfortable" at being gay. I still am very abrehensive at the ideas that I am gay in the gay area and no where else. It it hard for me when being gay is so acceptable everywhere in San Francisco. It really is a good self examination time for me, to come to terms with who I am in the inside and not trying to hide it from the outside. I want to be the person I want to be but am still resticted with the Inland Empire ideas that I have been brought up with. That I can be whoever I want to be at home, alone, but when anyone is looking I have to be that perfect italian catholic that everyone wants me to be. It is just hard. But I am gettting throught it.