You're in a place called the City. If you have money, you can get cigarettes at any convenience store, although I'd recommend quitting. Medical advice.
Oh, haha, another person who thinks they're my mom and tells me to quit smoking. Well, actually, they're not my mom, because I don't think she actually gave a damn about it. Hell, she smoked like a chimney on steroids trying to snuff out that guy from Mary Poppins. But anyway, damn it, off topic again.
The City? Seriously? They have a big gigantic mysterious place and they go with...the City.
Only because I tried to call Perry fourteen times on the cell phone and before I realized it's totally not working. It's not the fountain, at least I fucking hope it's not the fountain oh god that'd suck--
But yes. No reception. So, I figure, I'd better just wait this crazy shit out. I mean, go with the flow. If I can't even get a cell phone to work in this damn place, the chances of it letting a person out of it? Lower than the amount of people who saw that shitty J-Lo movie.
That, and I'm not dead yet. Or being held at gunpoint. So, you know, this is a step up for me.
...curse? Curses? Plural? As in, more than one? Wait--real curses, not just scams by psychic phone agencies?
It's times like this I really, really wish I kept that top hat. Not like it'd help me do any really explosion-y spells, but if I'm going to die because I pissed off a gypsy, I'd like to go out in style. Oh, and with all my fingers, but hey, nobody's perfect.
I'm not sure how you would define "real," but the effects they have are certainly real enough. They range from being forced to speak in rhyme to talking about your sex life to switching bodies with someone.
That sound you didn't hear just there? My jaw hitting the floor. I mean, I used to be a magician, but really? Magic? Like this? And they make you-urgh, this is every shade of wrong, even the weird purpley ones. Anyway, there may have been another five attempts to call people with my cell phone only to be met with a dial tone. Whatever, not important, it didn't work anyway.
Oh. Well. Rhyming doesn't sound too bad, but it's bound to make you mad.
...switching bodies. You said switching bodies? Seriously? Is this like a bad movie at four A.M. starring no one you've ever heard of and a man in a green suit?
Oh. Great. I'm stuck in a mid-nineties flashback, because I could have *sworn* she just said Mulder. At this point it's like, let's dig out the pogs and try not to kill a tamagotchi.
Wait. Rewind. Mulder? As in, X-Files Mulder? David Duchovny's here and in character? Where can I get his autograph, because I have a nephew who'd just go ape over that.
Once in a while. It was kind of hard to catch for me.
Hey, when you're my size, it's hard to argue with the television choices in the pen. Um. Not that there's worse things involved. There totally are. Woah, I kind of brought this whole thing down right there, huh? Quick! Distraction, stage left!
My friend Chuck Chutney Ex-friend, the goddamn traitor used to be the real obsessed one. I think he's seen like, every episode front to back, knows the quotes, goes crazy on wikipedia, you know the type.
It beats a lot of things, like having a viral video. Have you seen some of those lately? Oh, wow, a hamster on a piano, such riveting television. Only thing worse than that are the comments. I'd probably die of goddamn meteor shower before one of them were spelled write. Right.
This is going to suck. Like, worse than Jaws in 3D, suck. Like, sucks more than a hoover on an extension cord. Like,--oh, you know where I'm going with this, right? Point is, I, your narrator, is stuck in god knows where, and weird...curse things are going to happen to me. I mean, I'd try listing off the things I could have done to deserve this...but it's a pretty long list.
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The City? Seriously? They have a big gigantic mysterious place and they go with...the City.
Well, it beats Baltimore, at least.
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Have to say, you're taking this rather well.
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Only because I tried to call Perry fourteen times on the cell phone and before I realized it's totally not working. It's not the fountain, at least I fucking hope it's not the fountain oh god that'd suck--
But yes. No reception. So, I figure, I'd better just wait this crazy shit out. I mean, go with the flow. If I can't even get a cell phone to work in this damn place, the chances of it letting a person out of it? Lower than the amount of people who saw that shitty J-Lo movie.
That, and I'm not dead yet. Or being held at gunpoint. So, you know, this is a step up for me.
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It's times like this I really, really wish I kept that top hat. Not like it'd help me do any really explosion-y spells, but if I'm going to die because I pissed off a gypsy, I'd like to go out in style. Oh, and with all my fingers, but hey, nobody's perfect.
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Oh. Well. Rhyming doesn't sound too bad, but it's bound to make you mad.
...switching bodies. You said switching bodies? Seriously? Is this like a bad movie at four A.M. starring no one you've ever heard of and a man in a green suit?
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Wait. Rewind. Mulder? As in, X-Files Mulder? David Duchovny's here and in character? Where can I get his autograph, because I have a nephew who'd just go ape over that.
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I take it you've seen the show? God this is creepy.
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Hey, when you're my size, it's hard to argue with the television choices in the pen. Um. Not that there's worse things involved. There totally are. Woah, I kind of brought this whole thing down right there, huh? Quick! Distraction, stage left!
My friend Chuck Chutney Ex-friend, the goddamn traitor used to be the real obsessed one. I think he's seen like, every episode front to back, knows the quotes, goes crazy on wikipedia, you know the type.
But it was a good show. Um. Yeah.
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What's your name?
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Harry Lockhart. I'm a detective.
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This is going to suck. Like, worse than Jaws in 3D, suck. Like, sucks more than a hoover on an extension cord. Like,--oh, you know where I'm going with this, right? Point is, I, your narrator, is stuck in god knows where, and weird...curse things are going to happen to me. I mean, I'd try listing off the things I could have done to deserve this...but it's a pretty long list.
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