Not that anyone reads livejournal nemore but...
...im kind of scared
usually wen i meet guys on vacation
and i meet a lot of guys on vacation
i get to leave and come back and be really sad
but i have to force myself to get over them
because of the fact that we live in different countries
but with Chris I suddenly dont have to do that
i can actually hold on to those feelings
bathe in them and be uncharacteristically soppy
because a guy thought that i was special enough
to travel to the other side of the world for
and stay for 3 months...just to spend time with me
I don't know if it's gonna work
i dont know if ill even have enough time for him
to make his trip worthwhile
i dont even know if my feelings will b the same as they are now
in 3 1/2 months
and i do know that every part of this situation
is completely insane and unrealistic
and i do know that getting close to him in those 3 months that he'll be here
is extremely dangerous
owing to the fact that sooner or later
he'll have to go home
and idk if im strong enough to come back from that
but despite all of this
i cant wait till he gets here
i cant wait to have a guy that i really care about
to kiss and cuddle
and b obnoxiously mushy with
to tell me im beautiful
and look at me the way ive always dreamed a guy would someday look at me
and hang on my every word...
there may b other benefits too
like ending a 23 year streak that ive always been proud of
but which has lately gotten SO old
and i trust him enough to be able to give him that part of me
idk if ill feel the same once he gets here
but its nice to think about
its funny how life can sneak up on u wen u least expect it
and say "o btw, im feeling very giving today, here is wat uve been waiting for"
arriving in a time and place that u had never considered finding it
and may not even have been in if u had decided to b lazy and stay home
i didnt think he was worth traveling all the way up to london for (by myself)
but i got my ass off and did somethng different
and there he was
my prepackaged british boy who loves and wants everything about me
who bought a 800 dollar plane ticket for me
who hates going one day without seeing his parents but is going to spend 3 months away from them for me
and i was going to stay home...good thing bita really liked him or i probly wouldnt have gone!
i feel like im missing something
or atleast he is
dont get me wrong i do think im a nice person
but idk if im worth traveling half way across the world for
in fact i know im not worth it!
im terrified hes gonna realize this wen he gets here
and think hes made the worst mistake of his life...
this is so crazy i cant believe its happening to me...
watever.
we are young. were supposed to do wile and crazy things now
b4 were 40 years old saying "i wish i had lived it up more in my youth"
so here goes
see u soon chris...i hope i end up being worth it!!
usually wen i meet guys on vacation
and i meet a lot of guys on vacation
i get to leave and come back and be really sad
but i have to force myself to get over them
because of the fact that we live in different countries
but with Chris I suddenly dont have to do that
i can actually hold on to those feelings
bathe in them and be uncharacteristically soppy
because a guy thought that i was special enough
to travel to the other side of the world for
and stay for 3 months...just to spend time with me
I don't know if it's gonna work
i dont know if ill even have enough time for him
to make his trip worthwhile
i dont even know if my feelings will b the same as they are now
in 3 1/2 months
and i do know that every part of this situation
is completely insane and unrealistic
and i do know that getting close to him in those 3 months that he'll be here
is extremely dangerous
owing to the fact that sooner or later
he'll have to go home
and idk if im strong enough to come back from that
but despite all of this
i cant wait till he gets here
i cant wait to have a guy that i really care about
to kiss and cuddle
and b obnoxiously mushy with
to tell me im beautiful
and look at me the way ive always dreamed a guy would someday look at me
and hang on my every word...
there may b other benefits too
like ending a 23 year streak that ive always been proud of
but which has lately gotten SO old
and i trust him enough to be able to give him that part of me
idk if ill feel the same once he gets here
but its nice to think about
its funny how life can sneak up on u wen u least expect it
and say "o btw, im feeling very giving today, here is wat uve been waiting for"
arriving in a time and place that u had never considered finding it
and may not even have been in if u had decided to b lazy and stay home
i didnt think he was worth traveling all the way up to london for (by myself)
but i got my ass off and did somethng different
and there he was
my prepackaged british boy who loves and wants everything about me
who bought a 800 dollar plane ticket for me
who hates going one day without seeing his parents but is going to spend 3 months away from them for me
and i was going to stay home...good thing bita really liked him or i probly wouldnt have gone!
i feel like im missing something
or atleast he is
dont get me wrong i do think im a nice person
but idk if im worth traveling half way across the world for
in fact i know im not worth it!
im terrified hes gonna realize this wen he gets here
and think hes made the worst mistake of his life...
this is so crazy i cant believe its happening to me...
watever.
we are young. were supposed to do wile and crazy things now
b4 were 40 years old saying "i wish i had lived it up more in my youth"
so here goes
see u soon chris...i hope i end up being worth it!!