Such Elaborate Lives
(Letter from Gen. Dell Wilson to his wife Dierdre)
O Possessor of my Leash,
Don't worry, darling! Xan's a lovely boy, and I, being the person he loves, loves, loves most in the whole wide world, can only take away his agony. I'm quite conducive to happiness - a fact I feel sure you can attest to. So though he misses his fair queen, I offer plenty of... healthy distraction. And don't say a word about my appreciative chuckling.
Oh bother, bother, bother Dierdre... You silly woman! I suppose that, in retrospection, I have been insensitive about the whole "love" affair, and yes, my old lovers are many, and I can't help that they seem to draw me back to them. I'm amazing and witty and handsome - and if you could see me now I'd be giving you that sexy smirk you love, so picture me and try not to drool. It's really no surprise that they remember me so well! However, in response to the veiled accusations you've laid at my feet. I would never dishonor you by seeking comfort/sexual favors/intimate touches/unnecessary fondling/etc. outside the relationship. I never properly apologized, so humbly I do it now. Oh! Forgive my, loveliest of Dierdres, for ever allowing the mere notion to pass through my feeble mind. Said notion being that you became pregnant with Drusilla purposely. I know we've talked about it, so I'm sure you're not as upset as you sound, but... Well, I never did apologize like you deserved, so here we are. Yes. I know you love me; it's nice to be loved.
Beautiful, beautiful babe! I'm delighted to hear my little infants long for my strong, fathering presence. Oh, what lovely little larvae. I only home I arrive home before they pupate. And you are WRETCHED, Dierdre - WRETCHED. Do not make me pull out other adjectives, because I will in a second and you shall be floored - dazed and confused - by my verbal mastery. The foul Y-chromosome-donating fiend that dares call himself a "father". Bah. Cast him aside! William Wilson needs to... Well, I don't care if he's a nice man. Or that he does make a lovely grandfather. I've no idea what my lovely (and lying! Don't believe a word she says about my spotted past.) mother saw in him in the first place.
As for your request for reassurance... Send me a letter in response to this as clinical and indifferent as you can make it and I shall be so heart-broken that I shall be forced to reply with a cloying, sickeningly sweet letter of the lover's kind. Adieu! Give Dru and Dawson my sincere regards. And Roxy, too - she must be sick without me! Ta, fair wife.
Your devilishly handsome husband,
Dell
***
I love Dell and Dierdre. -written 26 February 2007
8LB