baeksoo (angst) drabbles
what can i do
pg; 610w
a/n: bc baekhyun’s been looking really tired and stressed out lately :c
kyungsoo sits on the couch in the living room, ignores the rerun of his own drama in favor of watching baekhyun tug at chanyeol’s ridiculously huge ears in the kitchen. his signature crooked smile, the one where one corner of his mouth lifts higher than the other, concealing what kyungsoo knows to be the opposite of what his (hollow) laugh suggests.
kyungsoo doesn’t shy away when baekhyun turns his head and meets his gaze. it’s baekhyun who turns pink, head tipping down in the split second moment that the faux shine in his eyes falters.
like routine, at 10 pm, kyungsoo crawls into bed properly freshened up for sleep when the door creaks open and shuts closed with a soft resounding click. he knows it isn’t chanyeol or jongin because he can still hear them fighting over super smash bros in the living room and they don’t trudge into their shared room until much later in the night.
a lift of his sheets and another warm body crawls under them, enveloping kyungsoo in a gentle embrace, legs tangling with his.
kyungsoo wiggles around to face baekhyun, carefully brushing soft hair away from the older boy’s closed eyes. he tries not to notice the small quiver of baekhyun’s bottom lip in response to his touch. “hey.”
baekhyun merely reaches for kyungsoo’s wrist and pulls it down to his mouth to press a light kiss against his knuckles. without the sparkling lights and makeup masking his face, kyungsoo can see the bags under baekhyun’s eyes. the downturn of his brows. the small imperfections on his cheeks.
he tries to recall all the times he walked into what he assumed was an empty practice room only to spot baekhyun huddled in the far corner, crying into his knees without a sound. there aren’t enough fingers on his hands to count the amount of times he has heard the words “i give up” and “i don’t know if i can do this anymore” tumble out of baekhyun’s frowning lips.
each time he witnessed these moments, kyungsoo pushed baekhyun’s knees down and rested his head on the older boy’s lap so he could stare up at him. on rare occasions, baekhyun stared back, eyes bloodshot and face blotchy.
each time he tells baekhyun, “do it for me,” intertwining his fingers with baekhyun’s. “you can’t leave me behind because i’m not going to let you.” you’ve come so far, baek. don’t give anyone the power to knock you down.
the scandals. the comments. the jokes. the disappointment. kyungsoo wonders at what point it became too much for baekhyun to handle. baekhyun who used to smile, genuinely, so easily. he radiated cheeriness and lit up a room within seconds. kyungsoo found it fitting that his “power” came to be the ability to control light because he is the light.
now though, baekhyun’s shine has dimmed significantly and kyungsoo is at a loss of what to do. the other members might not notice as much, if at all, but kyungsoo saw it the first time he saw baekhyun stumble during practice, nose scrunched in an emotion he couldn’t name.
“m’tired.” kyungsoo’s shaken out of his thoughts when baekhyun shuffles closer to him, tucking his head under kyungsoo’s chin until his mouth is a breath away from kyungsoo’s collarbones.
“then sleep. i’ll be here when you wake up.” what can i do to fix you up?
baekhyun sighs when kyungsoo shifts his hand to slide under the older boy’s shirt, resting gently on his hipbone. a long time passes, after kyungsoo presses his lips on the crown of baekhyun’s head, before he falls victim to a dreamless sleep.
let’s play a game
r for violence? and language; 900w
when kyungsoo meets baekhyun again, he’s not the same baekhyun he knew in high school all those years ago.
he looks the same, but he also doesn’t. he’s merely a shell of the teenage boy who could never stop smiling, finding joy in everything life had to offer. his cheeks are now thinned, clothes black and tattered, eyes black - soulless - and rimmed with black, black black black. he’s a skeleton holding nothing but darkness inside - not a drop resentment or anguish. simply emptiness, a gaping hole, indifference, nothing.
pursed lips a ghost of what used to stretch into the prettiest grin kyungsoo once knew of.
and kyungsoo now has a cold gun muzzle pressed tight against baekhyun’s forehead, dead center.
“never thought i’d see you caught in dirty business, soo.” baekhyun smirks, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. he doesn’t even flinch. if anything he seems to be leaning further into the touch, his own semi dropped to the floor beside his knees digging into the asphalt.
kyungsoo tries to graze over the nickname spilling from baekhyun’s lips, tries not to bring up old memories of nights turning in the sheets, a warm body against his and the same name tumbling out through the hazy sounds of pleasure.
kyungsoo is also not the same kyungsoo who once had dreams.
“i’m not here to catch up where we left off.” suppress the memories. you’re supposed to have forgotten kyungsoo.
“i’m surprised you remember.” kyungsoo mentally curses. of course they would still be riding on the same wavelength so that baekhyun knows exactly what he’s thinking. “of course, it would be kinda hard to forget what heartbreak feels like-”
a press and click of the hammer. “still can’t shut your fucking loud mouth, i see.”
“it’s empty, isn’t it?” baekhyun slowly brings his hands up, wrapping those delicate fingers kyungsoo could never fail to recognize around the barrel, pulling it away from his skin inch by inch. kyungsoo doesn’t stop him.
“not even close.” kyungsoo doesn’t know why he lets baekhyun take the revolver from his grip, loosening kyungsoo’s fingers with a touch so gentle that kyungsoo’s unable to fight the shiver running down his spine.
baekhyun hums once the gun is in his hands, twisting and turning it as if he’s never seen one before. he glances up at kyungsoo, an eyebrow quirked up for reasons kyungsoo can’t really fathom-
the cylinder pushes out and baekhyun tilts the revolver just so, letting the bullets tumble out, clanking noisily onto the ground in a clutter of shining metal. kyungsoo’s eyes widen as he follows baekhyun’s hand, watching as he picks up a single bullet, pushing it into one of the empty holes.
click. he jerks the cylinder back into place and with a flick of his wrist, baekhyun spins the cylinder with the nastiest grin painted over his pale skin.
he grabs kyungsoo’s hand with the strength of an adolescent child and softly presses the device back in his palm. “i trust that you can succeed.”
kyungsoo adjusts the weapon in his hand, turning the cylinder with his thumb. he can’t find it in himself to meet baekhyun’s eyes. “do you want me to win?” do you want to die?
never in kyungsoo’s three years of training to become one of the most talented and efficient hitmen did he think he would meet someone from his past. let alone come face-to-face with seoul’s most infamous underground drug cartel leader “moonlight,” only to find that it’s only baekhyun. kyungsoo’s slightly taken aback by baekhyun’s willingness to hand his life over to him because baekhyun’s business is so widespread and a price tag of ten figures stays tacked over his head for kill.
if kyungsoo finds the right moment to pull the trigger, he could subsequently wipe out a fourth of seoul’s illegal trade and turn over hundreds of politicians and businessmen associated with “moonlight.”
“i want you to play with me.” baekhyun bites his lip smugly, staring up at kyungsoo through his eyelashes as his fingers fiddle with the belt loops on kyungsoo’s jeans. he swallows.
a second cock of the hammer and kyungsoo points the barrel at the spot between baekhyun’s eyes. his once pretty eyes that have hardened somewhere between his disappearance in their second year of college to now. “i’d pray if i were you, moonlight.”
“i don’t need saving.” baekhyun sighs, tongue poking out to run over his chapped lips. kyungsoo mirrors the action and baekhyun chuckles. “anytime now.”
days and nights spent flipping the city upside down to search for his other half. silent tears that kyungsoo swore to never show anyone ever again. the single post-it crinkled beyond repair from the hours he spent folding and unfolding it, rereading baekhyun’s final message to him hundreds of times until it was burned into the back of his eyelids every time he tried to sleep.
countless i love yous replaying in his head.
he’s been waiting for this moment for the longest time.
“i loved you, you know.” kyungsoo’s hands tremble the slightest bit.
a faint twitch of baekhyun’s mouth. “mmm. as did i.” it’s barely heard over the crashing waves of the harbor not a far distance from where they are, but kyungsoo hears it as clear as the song of wind chimes.
i still do.
and a pull of the trigger.
gone in a flash
pg; 530w
the night is perfect and only just beginning. there isn’t a single cloud, only a full moon hanging up bright in the black sky, meaning their abilities are at full capacity.
and of course someone is bound to use this to their advantage for all the wrong reasons.
“hey, kyungsoo.” the younger man grunts to show that he’s listening. his eyes are closed, head laid back on his hands as his feet dangle off the edge of a fifteen story office building.
“do you ever feel the need to run away? never be found?” baekhyun sighs, as if simply asking these questions answers his thoughts.
they’ve been over this. a million times. kyungsoo knows why baekhyun keeps asking and he should’ve known why baekhyun hasn’t asked those same questions for a while now.
he found his answers to the unspoken questions laying just under what actually comes out of his mouth.
“baekhyun-” kyungsoo is about to throttle baekhyun and pin him to the cement to knock some sense into him again, except when he opens his eyes, he’s met with an all too familiar bright light emanating from long, thin fingers he knows from palm to nail. “don’t you dare-”
he looks up a split second before - baekhyun’s smiling at him, but his eyes look so so sad and exhausted over the dark bags stretching under - before those fingers touch his forehead, eyesight blinded by the white light that is the equivalent of blood to baekhyun, keeping him alive. kyungsoo knows what this is. it’s baekhyun’s secret weapon, rarely used in combat, never used on kyungsoo. he’s reaching into kyungsoo’s mind, seeping through the cracks to ensure that he won’t be given the sense of sight for a couple minutes.
this frightens kyungsoo very much.
“baekhyun!” he sits up, head dizzy and overwhelmed by the luminous white walls that seem to be clouding his vision. kyungsoo tries to swipe forward, trying to find purchase of baekhyun, but he’s already gone. a few feet away, closer to the edge of the roof than he is to kyungsoo’s helpless form.
“baekhyun,” kyungsoo calls out, much calmer, quieter this time. “don’t do this.” he wills the knot in his throat down. he refuses to finally let baekhyun be witness to a moment of his weakness when he’s about to leave.
“i have to.” kyungsoo imagines the sad smile, the last thing he saw before this mess, gracing baekhyun’s soft face.
kyungsoo wants so badly to just pound his fist into the ground and erect dirt solid enough to wrap around baekhyun’s feet and keep him there, except they’re on cement - not quite an earthly element - and positioned hundreds of feet above the actual ground.
he barely hears the footsteps approaching him, doesn’t react fast enough to grab him before baekhyun cradles kyungsoo’s jaw one last time, planting a kiss on his temple.
“don’t miss me too much.” a whisper. then he’s gone.
when kyungsoo’s sight returns to him, he’s met with city lights, the whistling of the wind, and the moon up above. he doesn’t even deny the wetness spilling down the curves of his cheeks burned hot by the touch of someone he loved.
chants angstangstangst
when irl baeksoo makes me chant fightfightfight
i’m sorry idk what these are
i also apologize for lapslock bc i'm lazy af
pg; 610w
a/n: bc baekhyun’s been looking really tired and stressed out lately :c
kyungsoo sits on the couch in the living room, ignores the rerun of his own drama in favor of watching baekhyun tug at chanyeol’s ridiculously huge ears in the kitchen. his signature crooked smile, the one where one corner of his mouth lifts higher than the other, concealing what kyungsoo knows to be the opposite of what his (hollow) laugh suggests.
kyungsoo doesn’t shy away when baekhyun turns his head and meets his gaze. it’s baekhyun who turns pink, head tipping down in the split second moment that the faux shine in his eyes falters.
like routine, at 10 pm, kyungsoo crawls into bed properly freshened up for sleep when the door creaks open and shuts closed with a soft resounding click. he knows it isn’t chanyeol or jongin because he can still hear them fighting over super smash bros in the living room and they don’t trudge into their shared room until much later in the night.
a lift of his sheets and another warm body crawls under them, enveloping kyungsoo in a gentle embrace, legs tangling with his.
kyungsoo wiggles around to face baekhyun, carefully brushing soft hair away from the older boy’s closed eyes. he tries not to notice the small quiver of baekhyun’s bottom lip in response to his touch. “hey.”
baekhyun merely reaches for kyungsoo’s wrist and pulls it down to his mouth to press a light kiss against his knuckles. without the sparkling lights and makeup masking his face, kyungsoo can see the bags under baekhyun’s eyes. the downturn of his brows. the small imperfections on his cheeks.
he tries to recall all the times he walked into what he assumed was an empty practice room only to spot baekhyun huddled in the far corner, crying into his knees without a sound. there aren’t enough fingers on his hands to count the amount of times he has heard the words “i give up” and “i don’t know if i can do this anymore” tumble out of baekhyun’s frowning lips.
each time he witnessed these moments, kyungsoo pushed baekhyun’s knees down and rested his head on the older boy’s lap so he could stare up at him. on rare occasions, baekhyun stared back, eyes bloodshot and face blotchy.
each time he tells baekhyun, “do it for me,” intertwining his fingers with baekhyun’s. “you can’t leave me behind because i’m not going to let you.” you’ve come so far, baek. don’t give anyone the power to knock you down.
the scandals. the comments. the jokes. the disappointment. kyungsoo wonders at what point it became too much for baekhyun to handle. baekhyun who used to smile, genuinely, so easily. he radiated cheeriness and lit up a room within seconds. kyungsoo found it fitting that his “power” came to be the ability to control light because he is the light.
now though, baekhyun’s shine has dimmed significantly and kyungsoo is at a loss of what to do. the other members might not notice as much, if at all, but kyungsoo saw it the first time he saw baekhyun stumble during practice, nose scrunched in an emotion he couldn’t name.
“m’tired.” kyungsoo’s shaken out of his thoughts when baekhyun shuffles closer to him, tucking his head under kyungsoo’s chin until his mouth is a breath away from kyungsoo’s collarbones.
“then sleep. i’ll be here when you wake up.” what can i do to fix you up?
baekhyun sighs when kyungsoo shifts his hand to slide under the older boy’s shirt, resting gently on his hipbone. a long time passes, after kyungsoo presses his lips on the crown of baekhyun’s head, before he falls victim to a dreamless sleep.
let’s play a game
r for violence? and language; 900w
when kyungsoo meets baekhyun again, he’s not the same baekhyun he knew in high school all those years ago.
he looks the same, but he also doesn’t. he’s merely a shell of the teenage boy who could never stop smiling, finding joy in everything life had to offer. his cheeks are now thinned, clothes black and tattered, eyes black - soulless - and rimmed with black, black black black. he’s a skeleton holding nothing but darkness inside - not a drop resentment or anguish. simply emptiness, a gaping hole, indifference, nothing.
pursed lips a ghost of what used to stretch into the prettiest grin kyungsoo once knew of.
and kyungsoo now has a cold gun muzzle pressed tight against baekhyun’s forehead, dead center.
“never thought i’d see you caught in dirty business, soo.” baekhyun smirks, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. he doesn’t even flinch. if anything he seems to be leaning further into the touch, his own semi dropped to the floor beside his knees digging into the asphalt.
kyungsoo tries to graze over the nickname spilling from baekhyun’s lips, tries not to bring up old memories of nights turning in the sheets, a warm body against his and the same name tumbling out through the hazy sounds of pleasure.
kyungsoo is also not the same kyungsoo who once had dreams.
“i’m not here to catch up where we left off.” suppress the memories. you’re supposed to have forgotten kyungsoo.
“i’m surprised you remember.” kyungsoo mentally curses. of course they would still be riding on the same wavelength so that baekhyun knows exactly what he’s thinking. “of course, it would be kinda hard to forget what heartbreak feels like-”
a press and click of the hammer. “still can’t shut your fucking loud mouth, i see.”
“it’s empty, isn’t it?” baekhyun slowly brings his hands up, wrapping those delicate fingers kyungsoo could never fail to recognize around the barrel, pulling it away from his skin inch by inch. kyungsoo doesn’t stop him.
“not even close.” kyungsoo doesn’t know why he lets baekhyun take the revolver from his grip, loosening kyungsoo’s fingers with a touch so gentle that kyungsoo’s unable to fight the shiver running down his spine.
baekhyun hums once the gun is in his hands, twisting and turning it as if he’s never seen one before. he glances up at kyungsoo, an eyebrow quirked up for reasons kyungsoo can’t really fathom-
the cylinder pushes out and baekhyun tilts the revolver just so, letting the bullets tumble out, clanking noisily onto the ground in a clutter of shining metal. kyungsoo’s eyes widen as he follows baekhyun’s hand, watching as he picks up a single bullet, pushing it into one of the empty holes.
click. he jerks the cylinder back into place and with a flick of his wrist, baekhyun spins the cylinder with the nastiest grin painted over his pale skin.
he grabs kyungsoo’s hand with the strength of an adolescent child and softly presses the device back in his palm. “i trust that you can succeed.”
kyungsoo adjusts the weapon in his hand, turning the cylinder with his thumb. he can’t find it in himself to meet baekhyun’s eyes. “do you want me to win?” do you want to die?
never in kyungsoo’s three years of training to become one of the most talented and efficient hitmen did he think he would meet someone from his past. let alone come face-to-face with seoul’s most infamous underground drug cartel leader “moonlight,” only to find that it’s only baekhyun. kyungsoo’s slightly taken aback by baekhyun’s willingness to hand his life over to him because baekhyun’s business is so widespread and a price tag of ten figures stays tacked over his head for kill.
if kyungsoo finds the right moment to pull the trigger, he could subsequently wipe out a fourth of seoul’s illegal trade and turn over hundreds of politicians and businessmen associated with “moonlight.”
“i want you to play with me.” baekhyun bites his lip smugly, staring up at kyungsoo through his eyelashes as his fingers fiddle with the belt loops on kyungsoo’s jeans. he swallows.
a second cock of the hammer and kyungsoo points the barrel at the spot between baekhyun’s eyes. his once pretty eyes that have hardened somewhere between his disappearance in their second year of college to now. “i’d pray if i were you, moonlight.”
“i don’t need saving.” baekhyun sighs, tongue poking out to run over his chapped lips. kyungsoo mirrors the action and baekhyun chuckles. “anytime now.”
days and nights spent flipping the city upside down to search for his other half. silent tears that kyungsoo swore to never show anyone ever again. the single post-it crinkled beyond repair from the hours he spent folding and unfolding it, rereading baekhyun’s final message to him hundreds of times until it was burned into the back of his eyelids every time he tried to sleep.
countless i love yous replaying in his head.
he’s been waiting for this moment for the longest time.
“i loved you, you know.” kyungsoo’s hands tremble the slightest bit.
a faint twitch of baekhyun’s mouth. “mmm. as did i.” it’s barely heard over the crashing waves of the harbor not a far distance from where they are, but kyungsoo hears it as clear as the song of wind chimes.
i still do.
and a pull of the trigger.
gone in a flash
pg; 530w
the night is perfect and only just beginning. there isn’t a single cloud, only a full moon hanging up bright in the black sky, meaning their abilities are at full capacity.
and of course someone is bound to use this to their advantage for all the wrong reasons.
“hey, kyungsoo.” the younger man grunts to show that he’s listening. his eyes are closed, head laid back on his hands as his feet dangle off the edge of a fifteen story office building.
“do you ever feel the need to run away? never be found?” baekhyun sighs, as if simply asking these questions answers his thoughts.
they’ve been over this. a million times. kyungsoo knows why baekhyun keeps asking and he should’ve known why baekhyun hasn’t asked those same questions for a while now.
he found his answers to the unspoken questions laying just under what actually comes out of his mouth.
“baekhyun-” kyungsoo is about to throttle baekhyun and pin him to the cement to knock some sense into him again, except when he opens his eyes, he’s met with an all too familiar bright light emanating from long, thin fingers he knows from palm to nail. “don’t you dare-”
he looks up a split second before - baekhyun’s smiling at him, but his eyes look so so sad and exhausted over the dark bags stretching under - before those fingers touch his forehead, eyesight blinded by the white light that is the equivalent of blood to baekhyun, keeping him alive. kyungsoo knows what this is. it’s baekhyun’s secret weapon, rarely used in combat, never used on kyungsoo. he’s reaching into kyungsoo’s mind, seeping through the cracks to ensure that he won’t be given the sense of sight for a couple minutes.
this frightens kyungsoo very much.
“baekhyun!” he sits up, head dizzy and overwhelmed by the luminous white walls that seem to be clouding his vision. kyungsoo tries to swipe forward, trying to find purchase of baekhyun, but he’s already gone. a few feet away, closer to the edge of the roof than he is to kyungsoo’s helpless form.
“baekhyun,” kyungsoo calls out, much calmer, quieter this time. “don’t do this.” he wills the knot in his throat down. he refuses to finally let baekhyun be witness to a moment of his weakness when he’s about to leave.
“i have to.” kyungsoo imagines the sad smile, the last thing he saw before this mess, gracing baekhyun’s soft face.
kyungsoo wants so badly to just pound his fist into the ground and erect dirt solid enough to wrap around baekhyun’s feet and keep him there, except they’re on cement - not quite an earthly element - and positioned hundreds of feet above the actual ground.
he barely hears the footsteps approaching him, doesn’t react fast enough to grab him before baekhyun cradles kyungsoo’s jaw one last time, planting a kiss on his temple.
“don’t miss me too much.” a whisper. then he’s gone.
when kyungsoo’s sight returns to him, he’s met with city lights, the whistling of the wind, and the moon up above. he doesn’t even deny the wetness spilling down the curves of his cheeks burned hot by the touch of someone he loved.
chants angstangstangst
when irl baeksoo makes me chant fightfightfight
i’m sorry idk what these are
i also apologize for lapslock bc i'm lazy af