Where did this even come from?
I know I've been complaining for the last few days about how much epic shit I am in with uni assignments, but I couldn't ignore this muse for the one or two pages it gave me. It's my first completed work in something like two years.
Funnily enough, I haven't even really thought about Loveless in a long time (other than trying to figure out when the heck volume nine is coming out). Today I did a random doodle of Ritsuka, because he is easy to draw, and this just popped up.
I love ambiguity.
(We all knew that)
So of course, I really love this line Yun Kouga explores in Loveless, that awkward twilight between childhood and adolescence. It also reminds me of Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials. I love Ritsuka's unconscious struggle between being grown up and facing the responsibilities and situations thrown onto him like a rational adult, and his acute naïveté and desire to remain a child like his peers around him.
Loveless and all related characters are property of Yun Kouga.
There are no spoilers in this
(of course, having read some Loveless will help. Especially if you recognise some of the repeated phrases).
(Just in case, I have read up to the latest English publication of the mange (vol 8) and not seen the anime).
Rated G (or K).
665 words.
Lately Ritsuka has been thinking more and more about kissing Soubi. It's worrying. In fact, it's crossing his mind at this very moment. Soubi is in Ritsuka’s room - for whatever reason, Ritsuka has no idea why Soubi is even over - and they are lying on Ritsuka’s bed. The weather outside is terrible and Ritsuka won’t let Soubi leave in it, so they are cuddling quietly until it stops. Cuddling Soubi is so different from cuddling Seimei, although they are curled up together in much the same way - Soubi’s body wrapped around Ritsuka’s, Ritsuka’s head buried in the crook of Soubi’s neck. With Seimei, Ritsuka felt unquestionably safe, protected, loved. With Soubi the security is fragile; he clings to Soubi waiting for it to disappear, waiting to return to being alone. With Seimei, their closeness was self-evident, something he never needed to question because it was just there, as much a part of him as anything else.
With Soubi, closeness is not enough.
Right now Ritsuka’s body fits seamlessly against Soubi’s, he is breathing in Soubi’s scent, his warmth, and Soubi is tracing reassuring circles on Ritsuka’s back, under his shirt.
But even the contact of skin on skin is not enough.
Ritsuka is indistinctly aware that something is changing. That he himself is changing. Or maybe it’s just the world that is changing. After all, it seems like his world hasn’t once stopped changing in the past two years. But this new spectrum of feelings is getting harder and harder to ignore, like being able to see new colours in the rainbow. And it seems to make him think a little more about kissing Soubi. But Ritsuka isn’t ready to leave his childhood behind yet, and although he doesn’t realise it, he is clinging desperately to what precious little innocence he has left.
“Soubi”
“Mmm?”
Ritsuka feels the vibration deep in Soubi’s chest.
“Why do you kiss me?”
Ritsuka is expecting a pause, but Soubi’s response is immediate.
“Because I want to be close to you, Ritsuka. Because I love you. Because I am yours.”
Ritsuka hasn’t realised his hands have clenched around Soubi’s shirt. If Soubi has noticed, he doesn’t show it, still tracing lazy patterns.
“Is love not enough, Ritsuka?”
No, it’s not enough.
“Would you like me to kiss you now?”
Ritsuka is silent, unsure of what is answer is. Unsure of what an answer might mean in the changing world. His tail flicks in time to the sound of the crashing wind outside that is creeping in to fill the silence. Yes is forming on Ritsuka’s lips, waiting for Ritsuka’s voice as if, now that he has made the decision, it has always been there. He wants to say please, he wants, somehow, for Soubi to take the weight of this decision that he does not yet understand. But instead, Ritsuka reforms the answer in his mind into the one he has learnt works best for Soubi.
“Kiss me, Soubi.”
Soubi complies with Ritsuka’s order, sliding his body around until he is propped up on one elbow and facing Ritsuka. He tilts Ritsuka’s chin up, leans down and presses their lips together. It is like every other kiss they have shared, and yet not. Soubi parts their lips gently and pulls away.
“Was that okay?” Soubi asks.
Ritsuka nods with flushed cheeks and lays his head back down against Soubi’s chest. He’s not sure if his answer was the right one after all. He can’t tell, over the confusing swirl of new feelings rising within him, if that kiss brought them closer together, or if he feels even more distant from Soubi. Soubi has already fallen back into their previous position, curled round Ritsuka. Ritsuka lets it go and puts the information somewhere in the back of his mind, ready for the day he knows can’t be too far off, when he will understand. When he can’t hold off the changes any longer.
....o..o.★.o..o....
Don't cheat! Read the story before the rest of the post, please.
...I really wanted to use the word "cusp" （ ´∀｀）
Actually, I would like to know if it's clear to the reader that when I write Yes is forming on Ritsuka’s lips, waiting for Ritsuka’s voice as if, now that he has made the decision, it has always been there.
it's different from if I had written Yes is forming on Ritsuka’s lips, waiting for Ritsuka’s voice as if it has always been there.
And of course I hope you realised that Soubi was his usual noncholant self (well, apart from his usual angsty self) for the entirety of the fic.
Thank you for reading~
Funnily enough, I haven't even really thought about Loveless in a long time (other than trying to figure out when the heck volume nine is coming out). Today I did a random doodle of Ritsuka, because he is easy to draw, and this just popped up.
I love ambiguity.
(We all knew that)
So of course, I really love this line Yun Kouga explores in Loveless, that awkward twilight between childhood and adolescence. It also reminds me of Phillip Pullman's His Dark Materials. I love Ritsuka's unconscious struggle between being grown up and facing the responsibilities and situations thrown onto him like a rational adult, and his acute naïveté and desire to remain a child like his peers around him.
Loveless and all related characters are property of Yun Kouga.
There are no spoilers in this
(of course, having read some Loveless will help. Especially if you recognise some of the repeated phrases).
(Just in case, I have read up to the latest English publication of the mange (vol 8) and not seen the anime).
Rated G (or K).
665 words.
Lately Ritsuka has been thinking more and more about kissing Soubi. It's worrying. In fact, it's crossing his mind at this very moment. Soubi is in Ritsuka’s room - for whatever reason, Ritsuka has no idea why Soubi is even over - and they are lying on Ritsuka’s bed. The weather outside is terrible and Ritsuka won’t let Soubi leave in it, so they are cuddling quietly until it stops. Cuddling Soubi is so different from cuddling Seimei, although they are curled up together in much the same way - Soubi’s body wrapped around Ritsuka’s, Ritsuka’s head buried in the crook of Soubi’s neck. With Seimei, Ritsuka felt unquestionably safe, protected, loved. With Soubi the security is fragile; he clings to Soubi waiting for it to disappear, waiting to return to being alone. With Seimei, their closeness was self-evident, something he never needed to question because it was just there, as much a part of him as anything else.
With Soubi, closeness is not enough.
Right now Ritsuka’s body fits seamlessly against Soubi’s, he is breathing in Soubi’s scent, his warmth, and Soubi is tracing reassuring circles on Ritsuka’s back, under his shirt.
But even the contact of skin on skin is not enough.
Ritsuka is indistinctly aware that something is changing. That he himself is changing. Or maybe it’s just the world that is changing. After all, it seems like his world hasn’t once stopped changing in the past two years. But this new spectrum of feelings is getting harder and harder to ignore, like being able to see new colours in the rainbow. And it seems to make him think a little more about kissing Soubi. But Ritsuka isn’t ready to leave his childhood behind yet, and although he doesn’t realise it, he is clinging desperately to what precious little innocence he has left.
“Soubi”
“Mmm?”
Ritsuka feels the vibration deep in Soubi’s chest.
“Why do you kiss me?”
Ritsuka is expecting a pause, but Soubi’s response is immediate.
“Because I want to be close to you, Ritsuka. Because I love you. Because I am yours.”
Ritsuka hasn’t realised his hands have clenched around Soubi’s shirt. If Soubi has noticed, he doesn’t show it, still tracing lazy patterns.
“Is love not enough, Ritsuka?”
No, it’s not enough.
“Would you like me to kiss you now?”
Ritsuka is silent, unsure of what is answer is. Unsure of what an answer might mean in the changing world. His tail flicks in time to the sound of the crashing wind outside that is creeping in to fill the silence. Yes is forming on Ritsuka’s lips, waiting for Ritsuka’s voice as if, now that he has made the decision, it has always been there. He wants to say please, he wants, somehow, for Soubi to take the weight of this decision that he does not yet understand. But instead, Ritsuka reforms the answer in his mind into the one he has learnt works best for Soubi.
“Kiss me, Soubi.”
Soubi complies with Ritsuka’s order, sliding his body around until he is propped up on one elbow and facing Ritsuka. He tilts Ritsuka’s chin up, leans down and presses their lips together. It is like every other kiss they have shared, and yet not. Soubi parts their lips gently and pulls away.
“Was that okay?” Soubi asks.
Ritsuka nods with flushed cheeks and lays his head back down against Soubi’s chest. He’s not sure if his answer was the right one after all. He can’t tell, over the confusing swirl of new feelings rising within him, if that kiss brought them closer together, or if he feels even more distant from Soubi. Soubi has already fallen back into their previous position, curled round Ritsuka. Ritsuka lets it go and puts the information somewhere in the back of his mind, ready for the day he knows can’t be too far off, when he will understand. When he can’t hold off the changes any longer.
....o..o.★.o..o....
Don't cheat! Read the story before the rest of the post, please.
...I really wanted to use the word "cusp" （ ´∀｀）
Actually, I would like to know if it's clear to the reader that when I write Yes is forming on Ritsuka’s lips, waiting for Ritsuka’s voice as if, now that he has made the decision, it has always been there.
it's different from if I had written Yes is forming on Ritsuka’s lips, waiting for Ritsuka’s voice as if it has always been there.
And of course I hope you realised that Soubi was his usual noncholant self (well, apart from his usual angsty self) for the entirety of the fic.
Thank you for reading~