DON'T PANIC
Easier said than done. For some reason, I feel compelled to cathartically release myself in blog form (that one post started up the addiction again), so here goes.
Well, guess who, at about eleven-thirty last night, just realised that next week is the LAST WEEK OF SEMESTER? Yeah, that's right.
My god, seriously, who forgets shit like that? How fucking dumb do you have to be? I honestly thought we had, like, another two or three weeks even though I'd been marking days off my calendar and have been keenly aware of the date because of my birthday.
LOL
[insert hysterical laughter here].
So I've got my usual white, blinding end-of-semester panic, the paralytic fear that I get when I realise I have my major assessments due soon. BUT. This time I am really, royally, totally and utterly screwed. ha ha. I have withdrawn from a unit, have thrown a unit, and am not doing so well in the TWO UNITS that I concentrate on. Fuck. I really fail at life.
I'm so ashamed; it's terrible.
I mean, sure, I basically had depression for most of the semester, but it's too late to call for a doctor's certificate (and I did go see a doctor, who found nothing. A week or two later I worsened (again) and I would say exhibited some fairly clear symptoms). But enough of that whining. I've also been a lazy fuck. Part of it is lack of motivation for my course (but is that because I was depressed, or because I don't like it?), part of it is the new-found friends/social circle - which I've always wanted and never had before (at uni). Part of it is just pure slothness.
Ergh, so pathetic. Any decent human being would just get on with it - plenty of people aren't that keen on their job and stick it out, why do I think I'm special and need to feel it's my life's calling? Oh god, I am so screwed.
I don't know that I can continue this course. Either way, I really have no choice now, but to take next semester off. I'd like to think of it as an actual choice, rather than having no other option, though. But what the heck am I going to do after those six months??
Ah, I'm already panicking!! >_<
And my assignment! Due next Friday! What do I do????
I can probably write the essay, and if I were a good little girl, I could get the website design done too, I think. But I'm already discouraged by my low mark in the assignment I got back. I don't know how I missed it, but apparently the videos were supposed to be twenty minutes long, not three o_0 FUCK. But seriously, how long can you string out someone using a couple of websites???? I guess.... They would have only needed to spend seven minutes on each site.... um... but it only took them one minute per site! argggh. Once again, Joel Day I dislike you. But this time it's not actually your fault (FOR ONCE) - I think.
Okay, how's the catharsism going? (I think I just made up a word). Um, it's um, ergh.
I'm just panicking moar.
No, no I'm not - I'm filled with hope and determination, now that I've said I could do my assignments. I mean, I have a whole week, minus one full day for work. That's four days, plus this Sunday night. What kind of fool can't do that?
THIS KIND OF FOOL!
I'm so screwed.
Do I throw another unit (since I only just passed the first assignment, failed the second, know I won't do well in the scrapbook and might not do well in the final design)?? I'm so used to running away in this situation, and it's so easy. It would be so easy to just fail...
ARgh, I never used to be this kind of person - I was a virtuous hard worker! I miss it. I hate the person I am now (academically, anyway) - it's so shaming.
eeps.
Okay, cathartic release complete. Still panicking, but maybe I'll kind of not probably ish be okay?
In other news, my mum is a damn genius, and my Alice dress is the coolest thing since sliced cucumbers.
Well, guess who, at about eleven-thirty last night, just realised that next week is the LAST WEEK OF SEMESTER? Yeah, that's right.
My god, seriously, who forgets shit like that? How fucking dumb do you have to be? I honestly thought we had, like, another two or three weeks even though I'd been marking days off my calendar and have been keenly aware of the date because of my birthday.
LOL
[insert hysterical laughter here].
So I've got my usual white, blinding end-of-semester panic, the paralytic fear that I get when I realise I have my major assessments due soon. BUT. This time I am really, royally, totally and utterly screwed. ha ha. I have withdrawn from a unit, have thrown a unit, and am not doing so well in the TWO UNITS that I concentrate on. Fuck. I really fail at life.
I'm so ashamed; it's terrible.
I mean, sure, I basically had depression for most of the semester, but it's too late to call for a doctor's certificate (and I did go see a doctor, who found nothing. A week or two later I worsened (again) and I would say exhibited some fairly clear symptoms). But enough of that whining. I've also been a lazy fuck. Part of it is lack of motivation for my course (but is that because I was depressed, or because I don't like it?), part of it is the new-found friends/social circle - which I've always wanted and never had before (at uni). Part of it is just pure slothness.
Ergh, so pathetic. Any decent human being would just get on with it - plenty of people aren't that keen on their job and stick it out, why do I think I'm special and need to feel it's my life's calling? Oh god, I am so screwed.
I don't know that I can continue this course. Either way, I really have no choice now, but to take next semester off. I'd like to think of it as an actual choice, rather than having no other option, though. But what the heck am I going to do after those six months??
Ah, I'm already panicking!! >_<
And my assignment! Due next Friday! What do I do????
I can probably write the essay, and if I were a good little girl, I could get the website design done too, I think. But I'm already discouraged by my low mark in the assignment I got back. I don't know how I missed it, but apparently the videos were supposed to be twenty minutes long, not three o_0 FUCK. But seriously, how long can you string out someone using a couple of websites???? I guess.... They would have only needed to spend seven minutes on each site.... um... but it only took them one minute per site! argggh. Once again, Joel Day I dislike you. But this time it's not actually your fault (FOR ONCE) - I think.
Okay, how's the catharsism going? (I think I just made up a word). Um, it's um, ergh.
I'm just panicking moar.
No, no I'm not - I'm filled with hope and determination, now that I've said I could do my assignments. I mean, I have a whole week, minus one full day for work. That's four days, plus this Sunday night. What kind of fool can't do that?
THIS KIND OF FOOL!
I'm so screwed.
Do I throw another unit (since I only just passed the first assignment, failed the second, know I won't do well in the scrapbook and might not do well in the final design)?? I'm so used to running away in this situation, and it's so easy. It would be so easy to just fail...
ARgh, I never used to be this kind of person - I was a virtuous hard worker! I miss it. I hate the person I am now (academically, anyway) - it's so shaming.
eeps.
Okay, cathartic release complete. Still panicking, but maybe I'll kind of not probably ish be okay?
In other news, my mum is a damn genius, and my Alice dress is the coolest thing since sliced cucumbers.