#Fic# Unable to respond //Chapter 2//
Title: Unable to respond (Ch 2)
Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
Chapter 2
Silence… Everything was silent. Kazuya felt like he is swaying again, a light feeling in his head, but soon he realized he is lying. As someone who just took a nap and ready to get up to face the world, he felt like that. But something was weird. He couldn’t open his eyes. No matter how much he tried to, he didn’t succeed. His eyelids didn’t respond, they heavied his orbs like a curtain.
Where was he? What happened? Why did his body hurt? He felt strange, and knew he is not really conscious still but not even unconscious. He grew a little afraid as he didn’t remember why he is like that, why his body won’t listen to the commands his brain was sending them and he tired to tell himself it is a dream. Long minutes passed by and his organs started to work, but just as much that he could feel things now more, and hear sounds of beeping.
He felt pain and for a fleeting second he still had to wonder what had happened. It was futile to try to open his eyes, he couldn’t. It was as if he slept while being awake. Darkness surrounded him like a thick wall and he repeated in mind over and over again to wake up, that it is just a nightmare. The blackness made him uneasy and he felt discomfort, kind of loneliness and a little scared. Not many moments later he suddenly heard a door open and someone talk.
„I am sorry Akanishi-san. We did everthing we could but we can’t guarantee he will wake up from his coma.”
What?! Coma?! Kazuya’s mind raced. It has to be a mistake for sure, he can’t be in a coma, he can hear, he can feel… just he is still too tired to open his eyes. Yes, surely it is like that… just tired, just tired… he repeated this all over again in mind and wished he could open his mouth to talk.
With the darkness surrounded him, it felt like he was closed into a narrow box with no room to even move just his little finger. No matter how he wanted to break out, the more he made attempt to break free, the more exhausted he became and he panicked as he felt the mere try caused him to lose counsciousness of his surroundings. The feeling was unbearable, it was as if he had been blind and paralyzed.
He was so afraid and he saw himself sitting in the corner of the box, in which there was much room now, but he still couldn’t move and it made the whole situation more desperate. The mental image-Kazuya just sat there, legs embraced to his chest, waiting for a non-existing door to open, looking at the endless darkness. Who will bring the light?
„I believe in Kazuya.” he heared the short reply and this voice seemed to make his desperation fade away step by step.
~ Jin?...Jin!! ~ He wanted to shout, to scream, to let Jin know he is here but couldn’t.
He heared the door close and he grew afraid again, he didn’t want Jin to leave. Did he?
~No Jin don’t leave me alone!!~ He tried to extend his hand, but was impossible, all Jin could see was a motionless lying, sleeping Kazuya in front of him.
Then he felt his hand warm again and fingers intertwined themself with his own, as the hand held his so lovingly.
„Kazuya…” only that time did Kazuya really understood where he was and what happened. An accident… he protected Jin and ended up…dead. That’s why his organs are so numb and his mind sill misty. He knew that the same way he saved Jin’s life, the boy saved his life as well… Kame remembered the words that brought him back to life and his heart raced more.
„Can you hear me Kazuya?” The man next to him asked in a soft but sad tone of voice.
~Yes, I can hear you…Jin, I can feel you. It’s so good.. Jin!... Please God please!! I want to let him know I am here! ~but no matter how he pleaded, how he tried, he couldn’t say it out loud.
„I am so sorry Kazuya. I was so cold to you all the time, behaving like a bastard because of my cowardness and feelings I have for you. Why did you save me? I should be the one lying here, not you.”
He never heared Jin speak in that tone of voice. So desperate and sad but at the same time caring and loving.
~ No Jin, don’t apologize. It is not your fault, it was my decision. I don’t regret saving you. Not even if I stay like this for the rest of my life. Because I love you Jin. I wish I can tell it to you.~
„You are so stupid Kazuya… so very stupid…”
~hm! You are the one to talk Bakanishi…~ He tired to ease the tension he was feeling in himself, but failed.
„What did I do to you? To the man I love more than anything… Yes Kazu-chan, I love you. Do you hear me? I am in LOVE with you. Even if I am a man too. Now get up and slap me for saying a thing like this. You are surely mad. Hey, come on!” Jin urged him, looking at his face with wet eyes, pulling his hand carefully.
Kazuya felt all, it was all he ever dreamed about, Akanishi Jin… saying these words to him. He never thought Jin love him. Isn’t that ironic? Now that he knows it, he can’t confess, can’t tell he feels the same… and can’t ease Jin’s sadness away by holding him… kissing him… when will he wake up? and why does he feel and hear everything as if he was healthy and only pretending to sleep?
Jin watched as the boy remained silent. He felt the hand linked with his is unresponsive, as other parts of Kazuya’s body too. It was torture for him to see the other like that and some tears escaped from his eyes.
~ No, I wouldn’t hit you Jin… I feel the same as you. Oh, how baka we were for so many years…Living in denial like this.~
If Kazuya could cry, he would have done so. The darkness and the unability to respond drove him crazy. He felt a wet drop on his hand and knew it was Jin’s tear. How he wished he could kiss them away.
~Don’t cry Jin, please!~
The sitting Kazuya in the dark box hugged his legs more to his chest, crying too in the blackness.
„It is not fair… why you?” Jin looked down on the sleeping face, studied every inch of it and whispered „You are so beautiful.” At this, the younger one’s heart melted.
The A of KAT-TUN felt silent for a while, just squeezing Kazuya’s hand, giving him the feeling of safeness.
~So warm…~
At a time like this, Kazuya didn’t mind the darkness that surrounded him was as endless as the ocean, he felt safe and good. But the urge to respond was there and it was like a knife in his heart that he is unable to.
„What can I do for you? I would switch place with you if I could.”
Jin told sadly and looked at their joined hands. What would Kazuya say if he saw how he holds his hand? Jin felt a little guilt, now he selfishly decided that he pretends Kazuya feels the same and behave as his lover. But he was sure if Kazuya was conscious he would surely push him away.
~Baka…Jin just stay by my side. It is the biggest help to me now. I will return to you, I promise, no matter what… Jin, just never leave my side.~
After a few moments the door opened and a voice spoke.
„Akanishi-san, the visiting time is over. Please go home, let him rest. We don’t know how he reacts for someone’s closeness now, don’t make him exhausted. His condition is not stable we think he needs silence.” It was the doctor of course. He was a man in his forties with always a kind smile on his face, willing to help ill people anytime. Just sometimes he was too worried and overreacted things. He was a good doctor, but not so experienced and he took the visiting time and such rules seriously. Sometimes too seriously.
~ What?? ~ Kazuya panicked as he heard the words. ~Silence? No I don’t need it!~ He didn’t want to be alone in this darkness, not now, it is too early, he just „woke up”, not phisically I mean. And he has to get used to this, but he could only be calm if someone was next to him. If Jin was next to him…
And now he realized how little doctors know about patients in coma and about illnesses.Of course there are many books, lexikons about how to cure an illness, how to make a diagnosis or what medicine they should give against what illness, but it was all mechanical. Not the books deciede who the good doctor is, you must be born to it.
He wondered if the experience of people being in coma was written in them. He is not the first who is in situation like this, is he? Or everyone experience it differently? Or the same, they are just afraid to talk about it because they think people will think they are crazy? Or as soon as they wake up they forget it all? Questions like these flew around Kazuya’s mind and he felt himself like a child, just born to the world.
No matter how hard it is, Kazuya didn’t want to forget. None of Jin’s soft words, his reassuring touch. When will be the time he can respond to them? Will it come?
He knew Jin, the other only talked about his feelings because he thought Kazuya didn’t hear them. And it made him quite sad, thinking Jin believe he can’t hear the words, but happy at the same time, because Jin told them so willingly.
He felt Jin let go of his hand and he wanted to protest, to scream ~Jin don’t let go!~
It was so weird. He could see nothing but he felt his hearing is more sensitive than what it used to be. He heard everything, even a simple movement which didn’t caused noise. Is this what blind people feel? Are they living like that?
He felt Jin stop and look back at him although he knew that the doctor waits for him at the door. But the other ignored it, he just went back to Kazuya as if he had heard the inner cries of the boy. Can it be? Is their bond so strong already?
He felt soft lips on his cheek and Jin’s breath on his skin. He hoped he blushes, so Jin can see he is aware of what is happening.
„I’ll come back tomorrow Kazuya. I will come everyday and the last day I have to come here we will leave the hospital together. No matter how much time it takes, I am here waiting for you.” Jin smiled but it was heartwretching. He was sad beyond belief and felt guilty and he knew if Kazuya never wakes up he can’t forgive himself.
Kazuya drowned into the blackness and the beeping of machines as he heard Jin slowly raised to his feet and walk away, closing the door quietly behind him.
The coldness and uneasyness began to fill his body again, he tried so hard to acknowledge the fact he is here, but somehow his mind refused to and kept telling him, soon he will wake up from his nightmare.
~Jin come back soon… I am so afraid… take me away from here… You are the only light in this closed world for me now… as you were the light when I was awake in the real world too.~
The Kazuya in the closed box slowly closed his eyes, still in the same position as he always sat and fell asleep.
***
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Author: tanakakoki_fan
Pairing: Akame
Rating: PG (for now)
Genre: Angst, romance
Disclaimer: I don’t own them!
Summary: (Uhh I suck at summaries… ^^”) Kame is closed in his own world… he can feel he can hear, but can’t respond. Will Jin’s love give him the light to live on?
AN: I don’t have beta, I am sorry if my grammar is wrong or if I mispell something. Feel free to correct me! =)
Chapter 2
Silence… Everything was silent. Kazuya felt like he is swaying again, a light feeling in his head, but soon he realized he is lying. As someone who just took a nap and ready to get up to face the world, he felt like that. But something was weird. He couldn’t open his eyes. No matter how much he tried to, he didn’t succeed. His eyelids didn’t respond, they heavied his orbs like a curtain.
Where was he? What happened? Why did his body hurt? He felt strange, and knew he is not really conscious still but not even unconscious. He grew a little afraid as he didn’t remember why he is like that, why his body won’t listen to the commands his brain was sending them and he tired to tell himself it is a dream. Long minutes passed by and his organs started to work, but just as much that he could feel things now more, and hear sounds of beeping.
He felt pain and for a fleeting second he still had to wonder what had happened. It was futile to try to open his eyes, he couldn’t. It was as if he slept while being awake. Darkness surrounded him like a thick wall and he repeated in mind over and over again to wake up, that it is just a nightmare. The blackness made him uneasy and he felt discomfort, kind of loneliness and a little scared. Not many moments later he suddenly heard a door open and someone talk.
„I am sorry Akanishi-san. We did everthing we could but we can’t guarantee he will wake up from his coma.”
What?! Coma?! Kazuya’s mind raced. It has to be a mistake for sure, he can’t be in a coma, he can hear, he can feel… just he is still too tired to open his eyes. Yes, surely it is like that… just tired, just tired… he repeated this all over again in mind and wished he could open his mouth to talk.
With the darkness surrounded him, it felt like he was closed into a narrow box with no room to even move just his little finger. No matter how he wanted to break out, the more he made attempt to break free, the more exhausted he became and he panicked as he felt the mere try caused him to lose counsciousness of his surroundings. The feeling was unbearable, it was as if he had been blind and paralyzed.
He was so afraid and he saw himself sitting in the corner of the box, in which there was much room now, but he still couldn’t move and it made the whole situation more desperate. The mental image-Kazuya just sat there, legs embraced to his chest, waiting for a non-existing door to open, looking at the endless darkness. Who will bring the light?
„I believe in Kazuya.” he heared the short reply and this voice seemed to make his desperation fade away step by step.
~ Jin?...Jin!! ~ He wanted to shout, to scream, to let Jin know he is here but couldn’t.
He heared the door close and he grew afraid again, he didn’t want Jin to leave. Did he?
~No Jin don’t leave me alone!!~ He tried to extend his hand, but was impossible, all Jin could see was a motionless lying, sleeping Kazuya in front of him.
Then he felt his hand warm again and fingers intertwined themself with his own, as the hand held his so lovingly.
„Kazuya…” only that time did Kazuya really understood where he was and what happened. An accident… he protected Jin and ended up…dead. That’s why his organs are so numb and his mind sill misty. He knew that the same way he saved Jin’s life, the boy saved his life as well… Kame remembered the words that brought him back to life and his heart raced more.
„Can you hear me Kazuya?” The man next to him asked in a soft but sad tone of voice.
~Yes, I can hear you…Jin, I can feel you. It’s so good.. Jin!... Please God please!! I want to let him know I am here! ~but no matter how he pleaded, how he tried, he couldn’t say it out loud.
„I am so sorry Kazuya. I was so cold to you all the time, behaving like a bastard because of my cowardness and feelings I have for you. Why did you save me? I should be the one lying here, not you.”
He never heared Jin speak in that tone of voice. So desperate and sad but at the same time caring and loving.
~ No Jin, don’t apologize. It is not your fault, it was my decision. I don’t regret saving you. Not even if I stay like this for the rest of my life. Because I love you Jin. I wish I can tell it to you.~
„You are so stupid Kazuya… so very stupid…”
~hm! You are the one to talk Bakanishi…~ He tired to ease the tension he was feeling in himself, but failed.
„What did I do to you? To the man I love more than anything… Yes Kazu-chan, I love you. Do you hear me? I am in LOVE with you. Even if I am a man too. Now get up and slap me for saying a thing like this. You are surely mad. Hey, come on!” Jin urged him, looking at his face with wet eyes, pulling his hand carefully.
Kazuya felt all, it was all he ever dreamed about, Akanishi Jin… saying these words to him. He never thought Jin love him. Isn’t that ironic? Now that he knows it, he can’t confess, can’t tell he feels the same… and can’t ease Jin’s sadness away by holding him… kissing him… when will he wake up? and why does he feel and hear everything as if he was healthy and only pretending to sleep?
Jin watched as the boy remained silent. He felt the hand linked with his is unresponsive, as other parts of Kazuya’s body too. It was torture for him to see the other like that and some tears escaped from his eyes.
~ No, I wouldn’t hit you Jin… I feel the same as you. Oh, how baka we were for so many years…Living in denial like this.~
If Kazuya could cry, he would have done so. The darkness and the unability to respond drove him crazy. He felt a wet drop on his hand and knew it was Jin’s tear. How he wished he could kiss them away.
~Don’t cry Jin, please!~
The sitting Kazuya in the dark box hugged his legs more to his chest, crying too in the blackness.
„It is not fair… why you?” Jin looked down on the sleeping face, studied every inch of it and whispered „You are so beautiful.” At this, the younger one’s heart melted.
The A of KAT-TUN felt silent for a while, just squeezing Kazuya’s hand, giving him the feeling of safeness.
~So warm…~
At a time like this, Kazuya didn’t mind the darkness that surrounded him was as endless as the ocean, he felt safe and good. But the urge to respond was there and it was like a knife in his heart that he is unable to.
„What can I do for you? I would switch place with you if I could.”
Jin told sadly and looked at their joined hands. What would Kazuya say if he saw how he holds his hand? Jin felt a little guilt, now he selfishly decided that he pretends Kazuya feels the same and behave as his lover. But he was sure if Kazuya was conscious he would surely push him away.
~Baka…Jin just stay by my side. It is the biggest help to me now. I will return to you, I promise, no matter what… Jin, just never leave my side.~
After a few moments the door opened and a voice spoke.
„Akanishi-san, the visiting time is over. Please go home, let him rest. We don’t know how he reacts for someone’s closeness now, don’t make him exhausted. His condition is not stable we think he needs silence.” It was the doctor of course. He was a man in his forties with always a kind smile on his face, willing to help ill people anytime. Just sometimes he was too worried and overreacted things. He was a good doctor, but not so experienced and he took the visiting time and such rules seriously. Sometimes too seriously.
~ What?? ~ Kazuya panicked as he heard the words. ~Silence? No I don’t need it!~ He didn’t want to be alone in this darkness, not now, it is too early, he just „woke up”, not phisically I mean. And he has to get used to this, but he could only be calm if someone was next to him. If Jin was next to him…
And now he realized how little doctors know about patients in coma and about illnesses.Of course there are many books, lexikons about how to cure an illness, how to make a diagnosis or what medicine they should give against what illness, but it was all mechanical. Not the books deciede who the good doctor is, you must be born to it.
He wondered if the experience of people being in coma was written in them. He is not the first who is in situation like this, is he? Or everyone experience it differently? Or the same, they are just afraid to talk about it because they think people will think they are crazy? Or as soon as they wake up they forget it all? Questions like these flew around Kazuya’s mind and he felt himself like a child, just born to the world.
No matter how hard it is, Kazuya didn’t want to forget. None of Jin’s soft words, his reassuring touch. When will be the time he can respond to them? Will it come?
He knew Jin, the other only talked about his feelings because he thought Kazuya didn’t hear them. And it made him quite sad, thinking Jin believe he can’t hear the words, but happy at the same time, because Jin told them so willingly.
He felt Jin let go of his hand and he wanted to protest, to scream ~Jin don’t let go!~
It was so weird. He could see nothing but he felt his hearing is more sensitive than what it used to be. He heard everything, even a simple movement which didn’t caused noise. Is this what blind people feel? Are they living like that?
He felt Jin stop and look back at him although he knew that the doctor waits for him at the door. But the other ignored it, he just went back to Kazuya as if he had heard the inner cries of the boy. Can it be? Is their bond so strong already?
He felt soft lips on his cheek and Jin’s breath on his skin. He hoped he blushes, so Jin can see he is aware of what is happening.
„I’ll come back tomorrow Kazuya. I will come everyday and the last day I have to come here we will leave the hospital together. No matter how much time it takes, I am here waiting for you.” Jin smiled but it was heartwretching. He was sad beyond belief and felt guilty and he knew if Kazuya never wakes up he can’t forgive himself.
Kazuya drowned into the blackness and the beeping of machines as he heard Jin slowly raised to his feet and walk away, closing the door quietly behind him.
The coldness and uneasyness began to fill his body again, he tried so hard to acknowledge the fact he is here, but somehow his mind refused to and kept telling him, soon he will wake up from his nightmare.
~Jin come back soon… I am so afraid… take me away from here… You are the only light in this closed world for me now… as you were the light when I was awake in the real world too.~
The Kazuya in the closed box slowly closed his eyes, still in the same position as he always sat and fell asleep.
***
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