:(
I just got up like an hour ago. Sad, right? I have been exhausted all week and I needed the extra sleep. I'll get more over the holidays, but I needed this for next week. You know what I had for breakfast? Left-over rice from Guadalajara. It was ok. You know, lately I am just sick of everything. Like, I don't want to try anymore, but Philip keeps telling me otherwise. I'm just always so down and hating everything that I or anybody else does. Everything makes me so sad. Like to the point where I cry all the time. Even in school. Which sucks, because I don't want people to notice, but I'm a little hurt when they don't. If anybody understands that...
We're supposed to put up our tree today. Who knows if we actually will. We cleaned our carpet because my stupid dogs can't figure out how to pee on newspaper. So...no tree as of yet. Christmas is like the most depressing time of the year. It means that the year is almost over...stressing over gifts to buy for people you have no idea what to buy for...if you're alone, you are painfully aware of that. It's just always really depressing to think about.
Section leader tryouts are next week. I'm not even nervous. What are they going to ask me that I can't handle. The only one I am wondering about is Andrea's, but she says I can handle it. I figure I can, I just want to know what it pertains to. Last year I was so nervous, but I'm not really this year. it's usually the same type of questions anyway. So...yep.
You know, I haven't painted my nails in like weeks. And I cut all of them off too. I guess that really shows that I have stopped trying and caring. I used to paint them all the time so people would think I was happy. I am very, VERY good at acting happy when I'm not. I've learned different ways to fool people. And they are so stupid they believe it, or else don't say anything. Whatever the case is, nobody cares in the long run. If I were to disappear completely, people might say something for a few days, but then it would be forgotten just as quickly as it came up. Philip would care, but...he's different.
<3 >^..^<