Женщина - атеист о сексуальности. Потрясающая статья.
A Hollow Inspiration
Far too many couples in the civilized world seem to mistakenly assume that god can do it all for them. Far too many married couples believe they can rely on God to make a crappy, sexless, unequal, unloving, mentally numb marriage last, and it just doesn’t work that way folks, it just doesn’t. God is not going to inspire you to find the ever so elusive “g-spot,” alright? One must learn key points of communication, physical responses, and lets just let it all lay out on the table people. For Christ’s sake, talk to your partner about sex! Pun very much intended.
There are far too many people who believe God is just going to solve everything for them including rocky marriages for example. A breakup will often send one partner running for the hills away from religion (non-religious Christianity, or Atheism). The other partner gets sent barreling toward a lifelong internship of indentured service to god. Do we really want this to continue? Granted I am all for promoting secularism, but we can get both of them if we take the time to show them how to make a marriage work. If you think it is difficult to comprehend a partner’s sex drive, I can almost guarantee that you have never actually talked to your spouse about sex. I’d wager that your idea of talking about sex is by getting to the point of frustration, and then having a argument about how they never do this for you and you do that for them.
I have heard it all before. Hell, I’ve said it all before. I’m not perfect, I’ve had my share of barking out demands all the while witnessing my wife practice the same approach of “I do more than you do for this relationship and you owe me what I want.” Its sickens me, its pathetic, and both partners are to blame for such a moronic and childish way to view something that is so much more beautiful than what mainstream media portrays.
Please remember, God can’t help you, He doesn’t want to help you, in fact he doesn’t want you to enjoy sex or the intimacy of it at all. If memory serves right his policies on sex are down right robotic and terrifyingly mind numbing. Do we really want to have sex in maybe 3 positions and then also end up like the 18 children and counting woman? (or is it 19? I can never keep up with that frightening show) Just keep in mind that both people actually want to have intimacy, and neither really thinks their version is more important than the other ones. The issue is communication and having a understanding that if you don’t talk about sex with your partner, then you are probably clueless about your partner’s desires. This is regardless of how good you believe you are in bed, or how good of a emotional partner you think you are. If it comes down to a miscommunication about sex, then you aren’t listening to your partner at all.
An Intimate Bond
Whether you want to believe it or not its not uncommon for men and women to feel a higher connection with their spouse in relation to how much physical attention they get. This includes holding hands, kissing, hugging, brushing their hair out of their face, sliding the back of your finger down their cheek, massages, a pat to their rear, etc. I have found out that almost anything physical can sexually excite and entice a feeling of intimacy with your partner. When a more “sex driven” spouse lacks the attention of sex, it often results in a disconnection with all the intimacy the other spouse enjoys. When a married couple lacks a leveled/equal amount of sexual desire it is seems almost like an unspoken rule that the less driven spouse is the director of the couples sex life. Often it is possible and highly likely that without their desire for physical attention, the more sex driven spouse can and often will degrade into a childish like state of mind feeling neglected, unattached, lonely, and eventually shutting down emotionally.
The possibility of changing the onslaught of disconnection is in the hands of the less sex driven spouse if that unspoken rule is true in your relationship. Just as much as it is the more sex driven spouses responsibility to talk about their feelings in order to exact the possibility of that change. Understanding that when it seems an argument begins over one thing, and ends up bringing up the difference in sex drive is a symptom of importance. Both men and women are less likely to share their insecurities with someone who claims that their needs are needless, and unimportant to them. Thus feeling less connected to their spouse for even mentioning a small part of their feelings. Sex is important for them for connection, intimacy, attachment, and emotional openness. If you degrade that desire its not going to end well for either of you.
Food for Thought
With children, work, bills, house chores, friends plans, family visitors, it becomes difficult to overcome finding time for intimacy. Some people (less sexed driven mostly) feel that planning to have sex around having a fully loaded schedule is not being spontaneous, they feel that sexual arousal must come spontaneously in order for the sex to be intimate and enjoyed. Otherwise, it is just a planned event that is something you must do because of the obligation that you planned it. This is not a good way of thinking as the intimacy of sex is often more important for the both of you than the spontaneity is. “When she is happy I am happy” or vice versa. The more sex driven spouse can become more involved and less withdrawn just because you make the effort to help them feel connected to you ultimately giving happiness to everyone.
Love through connection, intimacy, and communication must be equal, otherwise, a partner can and most likely will, assume that they love you more than you love them. To assume that sex is only valid when a precursor of arousal is there and acting on that assumption, only shows a lack of communication, intimacy and connection to your partner. If your desire for sex is a necessity for your participation, it demonstrates to your partner a validation, that their desire for anything you desire is also a necessity for their participation as well. You desire a clean house, but your partner does not have that desire, since you have to want to have sex in order to have sex, they have to want to have a clean house in order for them to clean. When something as important as sex (remember sex to the desired shows them the three major factors in LOVE) that depends on a relationship is held hostage. It only validates holding hostage of all the things they do not desire that you care for.
Your participation and attention to what your partner likes, loves, and desires, is just as equally important to them as their participation and attention to yours is. You must let go of the classification of importance to certain things and look at them all as just as important. Even if it is important for you to put the toilet seat up when you pee and put it back down after you are done. You have to look at all of your partners desires as an equally important desire, because without it, you can’t really say that you love them as much when they compromise more now can you? We all wish for our partners to show some form of polite submission aka humility towards our interests. Its translates into showing us that you love us even though you don’t love our interests.
Shane Jones
SupportAtheism.com
Far too many couples in the civilized world seem to mistakenly assume that god can do it all for them. Far too many married couples believe they can rely on God to make a crappy, sexless, unequal, unloving, mentally numb marriage last, and it just doesn’t work that way folks, it just doesn’t. God is not going to inspire you to find the ever so elusive “g-spot,” alright? One must learn key points of communication, physical responses, and lets just let it all lay out on the table people. For Christ’s sake, talk to your partner about sex! Pun very much intended.
There are far too many people who believe God is just going to solve everything for them including rocky marriages for example. A breakup will often send one partner running for the hills away from religion (non-religious Christianity, or Atheism). The other partner gets sent barreling toward a lifelong internship of indentured service to god. Do we really want this to continue? Granted I am all for promoting secularism, but we can get both of them if we take the time to show them how to make a marriage work. If you think it is difficult to comprehend a partner’s sex drive, I can almost guarantee that you have never actually talked to your spouse about sex. I’d wager that your idea of talking about sex is by getting to the point of frustration, and then having a argument about how they never do this for you and you do that for them.
I have heard it all before. Hell, I’ve said it all before. I’m not perfect, I’ve had my share of barking out demands all the while witnessing my wife practice the same approach of “I do more than you do for this relationship and you owe me what I want.” Its sickens me, its pathetic, and both partners are to blame for such a moronic and childish way to view something that is so much more beautiful than what mainstream media portrays.
Please remember, God can’t help you, He doesn’t want to help you, in fact he doesn’t want you to enjoy sex or the intimacy of it at all. If memory serves right his policies on sex are down right robotic and terrifyingly mind numbing. Do we really want to have sex in maybe 3 positions and then also end up like the 18 children and counting woman? (or is it 19? I can never keep up with that frightening show) Just keep in mind that both people actually want to have intimacy, and neither really thinks their version is more important than the other ones. The issue is communication and having a understanding that if you don’t talk about sex with your partner, then you are probably clueless about your partner’s desires. This is regardless of how good you believe you are in bed, or how good of a emotional partner you think you are. If it comes down to a miscommunication about sex, then you aren’t listening to your partner at all.
An Intimate Bond
Whether you want to believe it or not its not uncommon for men and women to feel a higher connection with their spouse in relation to how much physical attention they get. This includes holding hands, kissing, hugging, brushing their hair out of their face, sliding the back of your finger down their cheek, massages, a pat to their rear, etc. I have found out that almost anything physical can sexually excite and entice a feeling of intimacy with your partner. When a more “sex driven” spouse lacks the attention of sex, it often results in a disconnection with all the intimacy the other spouse enjoys. When a married couple lacks a leveled/equal amount of sexual desire it is seems almost like an unspoken rule that the less driven spouse is the director of the couples sex life. Often it is possible and highly likely that without their desire for physical attention, the more sex driven spouse can and often will degrade into a childish like state of mind feeling neglected, unattached, lonely, and eventually shutting down emotionally.
The possibility of changing the onslaught of disconnection is in the hands of the less sex driven spouse if that unspoken rule is true in your relationship. Just as much as it is the more sex driven spouses responsibility to talk about their feelings in order to exact the possibility of that change. Understanding that when it seems an argument begins over one thing, and ends up bringing up the difference in sex drive is a symptom of importance. Both men and women are less likely to share their insecurities with someone who claims that their needs are needless, and unimportant to them. Thus feeling less connected to their spouse for even mentioning a small part of their feelings. Sex is important for them for connection, intimacy, attachment, and emotional openness. If you degrade that desire its not going to end well for either of you.
Food for Thought
With children, work, bills, house chores, friends plans, family visitors, it becomes difficult to overcome finding time for intimacy. Some people (less sexed driven mostly) feel that planning to have sex around having a fully loaded schedule is not being spontaneous, they feel that sexual arousal must come spontaneously in order for the sex to be intimate and enjoyed. Otherwise, it is just a planned event that is something you must do because of the obligation that you planned it. This is not a good way of thinking as the intimacy of sex is often more important for the both of you than the spontaneity is. “When she is happy I am happy” or vice versa. The more sex driven spouse can become more involved and less withdrawn just because you make the effort to help them feel connected to you ultimately giving happiness to everyone.
Love through connection, intimacy, and communication must be equal, otherwise, a partner can and most likely will, assume that they love you more than you love them. To assume that sex is only valid when a precursor of arousal is there and acting on that assumption, only shows a lack of communication, intimacy and connection to your partner. If your desire for sex is a necessity for your participation, it demonstrates to your partner a validation, that their desire for anything you desire is also a necessity for their participation as well. You desire a clean house, but your partner does not have that desire, since you have to want to have sex in order to have sex, they have to want to have a clean house in order for them to clean. When something as important as sex (remember sex to the desired shows them the three major factors in LOVE) that depends on a relationship is held hostage. It only validates holding hostage of all the things they do not desire that you care for.
Your participation and attention to what your partner likes, loves, and desires, is just as equally important to them as their participation and attention to yours is. You must let go of the classification of importance to certain things and look at them all as just as important. Even if it is important for you to put the toilet seat up when you pee and put it back down after you are done. You have to look at all of your partners desires as an equally important desire, because without it, you can’t really say that you love them as much when they compromise more now can you? We all wish for our partners to show some form of polite submission aka humility towards our interests. Its translates into showing us that you love us even though you don’t love our interests.
Shane Jones
SupportAtheism.com