Life Sucks......

[89rscamarodrivr]

So here I am going to school to get my diploma. Out looking for a damn job everyday calling and nagging about a job. The jobs are out there. I fucked my life up that 1 night I wish I could go back in time and take it all back but I can't. I can sincerely apologize for it, but that get's me nowhere. The girl I love with all of my heart doesn't want my love. I feel helpless, I have nothing more to lose. I have lost it all already. I just want my life back. I want the us back, there is nothing more that I want than to be happy. I want her to be happy but that is not going to happen anytime soon. Not until I get my act together which I am in the process but it's not enough. I am hurt inside, I have no heart it has been ripped out and thrown to the dogs. I want it back, I have an extra heartbeat for that special person. I will always have a place 4 that girl. I am so lonely I just want somebody to love me. Is that too much to ask. I made mistakes and I feel that I should be forgiven. Atleast a sliver of forgiveness would help take away the pain. People tell me I'm stupid for still wanting/loving her. But she is all I can think about. I lied alot about stuff to save my ass from getting in trouble. But that is the old me. I am me the new 9.0 version, I cry at night wishing that I could just have everything back that I had to be able to start over. I lied,I'm sorry, I would give everything for her, I want to earn it and say I accomplished something in life. I want her in my future. I just want to get over this mountain and slide down the other side. But yea I want some comforting,forgiveness and a little love but is that too much to ask>? Im sick of being depressed and feeling like shit and unwanted. I wanna be the luckiest guy on earth and spend the rest of my life with Kaitlin. I can't wait for her to accept the ring I got for her. I want her sooo bad but I have to earn it until then peace~
Mike heartless-helpless-and lonely